Need a lodger, Tony?

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The Independent Online
Our new Prime Minister was clearly moved by Labour's landslide election victory. So was his wife. In fact they were both moved into a modest several-up-several-down central London terrace with much-sought- after Downing Street address.

It somehow didn't seem fair to me. After months of fruitless search for a house I find it intensely frustrating to watch the success of others in securing new accommodation. It is not as if the Blairs are exactly homeless. They now appear to have more homes than Wimpey. I saw pictures of a property in Mr Blair's Sedgefield constituency, pictures of his Islington home, pictures of Downing Street, not to mention the country pad at Chequers. The boy has come a long way since his more modest days living near Arsenal's football ground. In those days he was known as "two dustbins Blair" by his neighbours, who included a good friend of mine. This reflected the passion with which he always strategically placed two dustbins in the street to preserve a parking space on match days. Those who question Mr Blair's commitment will be reassured by the vigour with which he fought to preserve his basic right to park.

There will be no such worries in Downing Street. First, it is not near a football stadium and second, nobody is allowed to park outside anyway. More significant is the extraordinary perk which is granted to the occupier of No 10: the right to choose one's neighbours.

As any home buyer knows, the thrill of finding somewhere to live can soon be undermined by the habits of one's new neighbours. No such worry for the Blairs. They can pick somebody who does not play loud music into the night, does not row with their partner and is never short of a pint of milk or a pair of shears. What bliss.

Another benefit is that Mr Blair's daily commute is dramatically reduced. He can quite easily walk to work and on rainy days can even order the work to walk to him. No problem, either, with mini cabs. Executive limos are constantly to be seen plying their trade in the vicinity, no doubt on account.

What is more, those who know about these things assure me that providing the Blairs can resist the temptation to rush down to B&Q this weekend in readiness for a flurry of DIY and structural re-engineering, then they can live rent-free.

I am sure that will not prevent them , however, from adopting the mantra New Labour - New Curtains.

I will be writing to the Blairs shortly offering my exclusive services as a house-sitter. "I will not let you down," Mr Blair is quoted as saying. But will he let me his property?

On the grounds that property in London is not theft but daylight robbery I will attempt to persuade Mr Blair that some of those old principles of redistribution may still have a part to play in his life and most certainly in mine. I have no doubt he will oblige and look forward to sharing his response to my inquiry with you.

Meanwhile I have been inspired by Mr Blair's success in finding a new home to pursue with vigour my own political ambitions by relaunching the House Party which regular readers may recall faded into oblivion some weeks ago. I can report that we only fielded one candidate in last week's elections and only secured one vote. However, given the Conservative candidate secured more than 20,000 votes and still did not get elected, I reckon that the House Party had a pretty efficient election.

Downing Street is now firmly in my sights. I will not rest until I am installed there. Unless, of course, Mr Blair invites me to join a coalition and property-sharing arrangement.

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