Confessions of an Estate Agent: Messing about on the river? It's no fun at all

Andrew Dewar is the joint senior partner of Curchods estate agents

"January the third was cold, wet and dank – not really the time for showing an island property in the middle of the river Thames. The applicant seemed keen, though, and the vendor was in a hurry to sell. Straws were drawn as to who would do the viewing. The 6ft 3in junior negotiator won.

"We waved him off as he went to meet the clients for a 10.15am appointment. I should explain that access to the island is via a series of residents' small punts with oars, which one must row across the stretch of river, about 150 yards. I should also explain that the river was in full flow, following a huge amount of rain, and the temperature was a miserable five degrees above zero.

"By noon we were debating whether or not our plucky junior negotiator was still negotiating hard for the sale, or whether we should be thinking of sending out the coastguard. Our negotiator returned, however, at about 1pm in delicate shades of blue and red – blue with the cold and red with embarrassment.

"Having 'embarked' successfully with a full complement of passengers, he headed off into mid-stream, only to be taken rapidly downstream by the current. Three hundred yards or so downstream was a weir. Unable to control the vessel, he was washed against it, where he stayed for some considerable time. Eventually, help arrived to pull him to a position where he could disembark the passengers to dry land. As you may have guessed, the viewers decided not to buy.

"Strangely enough, despite global warming, floods and boat-only access, the mid-stream Thames islands remain highly sought-after places to live. So, same river, one year later and still cold; some new prospective purchasers, complete with children in tow, turned up for their boat trip to the island. This time it was me who had drawn the short straw. Ensuring his wife and children were safely on board first, the caring father attempted to make his entry on to the boat. He promptly lost his footing on the edge of the vessel and tumbled between boat and jetty into the freezing river.

"My attempted rescue of the caring father was hampered by his wife and two children, who were doubled up with laughter. I tried to shout for help, but I was disabled due to the enormous amount of effort required in trying to keep a straight face. Meanwhile, the caring father clung miserably to the edge of the boat.

"Eventually, the father was hauled aboard and gallantly insisted that 'the viewing must go on'. Fortunately, my vendor came to the rescue with a spare set of clothes and a hot cup of chocolate but sadly, and again no surprise, they did not buy the property."

Curchods, Surrey, 01483 479100