Aussie cricket chiefs can expect plenty of advice over the next few weeks.
Former Baggy Green batsman Dean Jones, who scored a legendarily gutsy 210 in intense heat during a Test at Madras in 1986 (and ended up on a saline drip as a result), has got the ball rolling with the suggestion that they turn to Steve Waugh.
"Cricket Australia needs to sign Steve Waugh as the head coach of the Australian cricket team immediately," Jones says. "Australian cricket is in desperate times. We need the toughest and the most honest people to guide us out of this awful mess. We need Steve Waugh to bring back some honour to the Baggy Green."
Jones believes Waugh can restore the culture that hard-man coach Bob Simpson instilled in the mid-80s: one of blood, sweat and chundering. "Simmo trained us so hard at fielding our hands bled," he said. "Three-hour fielding sessions were the norm. Players consistently vomited on the fielding track, but he made us the best fielding team in the world."
Freddie calls for more champagne
Not every Englishman was euphoric at the close of proceedings in Sydney. "Thought the presentation was awful forgot Cooky's [Alastair Cook's] medal no champagne no individual medals the boys deserved better than that! Disgraceful!" Andrew Flintoff tweeted, adding: "Last time there were speeches, introduced all the players, fanfares for the retired boys, champagne gloating. That was all over in five mins." He's right: it was a tad short on champagne gloating.
Aggers joins in with sprinkler dance fever
Strange things happen in the euphoria of victory – like the BBC's Jonathan Agnew dancing.
Aggers, who played in one match for England the last time they beat the Aussies by more than a Test in an Ashes series back in 1985, had agreed to do the dance if England retained the urn.
You can enjoy it here (and you will): http://tinyurl.com/2venldn.
Johnson's the answer
How, Mark Taylor asked Alastair Cook in a post-match interview, have you managed to bat so much better this time than in previous Ashes contests? Before Cook had a chance to answer, the Barmy Army did it for him: "He bowls to the left, he bowls to the right; that Mitchell Johnson, his bowling is..." You get the message.
Don't get mad, get even-tempered?
These are dark time for Aussie cricket fans, but happily help is at hand. Yesterday's edition of the Sydney Morning Herald included a guide to dealing with defeat. There are four things every fanatic must do, Marcus Braid writes: get aggressive, get out there and play, rationalise the process and drown your sorrows. With regard to the first, psychologist Clare Mann says: "People can seek out other people and become aggressive, or do something different. They have got an opportunity to turn it around with the good old Aussie spirit." Hmm. Best avoid the Walkabout this weekend.Reuse content