A war of words erupted between Graeme Swann and Steve Finn on Twitter yesterday. Apparently unprovoked, Swann claimed Finn would struggle on A Question of Sport because he is "as thick as muck".
He then claimed, hilariously, that Finn's "breakthrough" moment during the Ashes came when he "discovered joined-up handwriting". Finn feigned outrage at Swann insulting him while he was asleep in England, before accusing Swann of being "like the really insecure bully at school. It's not big or clever. Well, his chin is big". Cue a Swann apology to all his followers for Finn's lame banter.
These are deep waters and perhaps it's best not to take sides. But I should briefly note that in his Twitter biography, Finn confesses: "Can't decide if I'm 6ft7 or 6ft8!", and struggles with spelling in a rather ironic fashion: "Victim of extreme bullying by Graham Swan [sic]." What was that about "thick as muck"?
Akmal ensures fine birthday for Taylor
Much as Arsenal have never properly replaced gloveman David Seaman, so Pakistan's cricketers have never satisfactorily replaced wicket-keeper Moin Khan. Kamran Akmal's double drop yesterday – the second of them too simple to be labelled merely a 'dolly' – was a comic reminder of this fact, though not to Pakistan fans. It did, however, act as a birthday present to centurion Ross Taylor.
And so, instead of being the sixth New Zealander to register a birthday duck (after Mark Burgess, John Bracewell, Brian Young, Nathan Astle, and Daniel Vettori), he became only the third international player to register a birthday hundred, after Sachin Tendulkar and Vinod Kambli.
Hayden slow to hear about fastest ton
It was Matthew Hayden's record for the fastest World Cup hundred that Irishman Kevin O'Brien smashed against England. But Hayden was among the last to hear of it, because he was working in a remote place called Tiwi Island, just north of Darwin in Australia's Northern Territory, at the time. He only heard about O'Brien's heroics five minutes before a Tiwi Island Land Council meeting, when chairman Cyril Rioli stood up to say: "Hey Matty, did you hear about the Irish fella who broke your record overnight?" "No, I didn't," Hayden replied. "Tell me more."