Ecological air of success

Steve Spartak pushes for the ozone-friendly Olympics in a clean, green world

Reclaim the Olympics Games now before it is too late and we cannot get to sleep. Stop this wastage of pure elements like gold, silver and bronze (except in Great Britain's case) and bring back events encompassing natural laws, like...

More drums! More drums!

To reclaim the Olympics, we must try to undermine the catastrophes inflicted upon our planet by Olympian disciplines. Fight the muscle-mad faster, plaster, master and mistress madness with these sports of gentler and environmentally friendly proportions.

Gardeners' Equestrian Time: Ask the questions that really matter, like how high is a hand.

Softball: Reclaim hardness.

Rowing: Free the skulls.

The Shot: Melt down the weighty burden.

Archery: Miss the target with your arrow and save a tree.

111 Hurdles: That extra one would cause chaos.

Water polo: Withdraw the mint-fluoridation process now (it causes mint ozone holes).

Shooting: Prevent the air from being shot and injured in the air pistol event.

Boxing: The rope is made from hemp, a natural fibre. Protest by standing in the way of the first punch.

Fencing: This denial of rambler's rights must be pulled down.

Epee: Stop this false feminisation of the EP world record.

Gymnastics: Stop this cruel jumping over poor Mr Pommel Horse by rescuing him from that prone position.

3,000m Steeplechase: A blood sport - have you ever been pricked by a steeple? Join the James Hunt Saboteurs and save a tyre.

Beach Volleyball: The ecologically vital sandworm is being driven from its home by this vacuous activity. Insert a lead weight into the ball and chuckle.

Javelin: Replace all implements with rubber facsimilies and save the earth from being punctured.

Sailing: Re-use material from car-boot sails only.

Swimming: Shades of elitism as aquanauts compete in pools filled with natural water from the Alps - free of all chemicals (especially chlorine).

Diving: A rung down the prestige ladder, with carbonated spring water filling the pool.

Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Caption competition
Caption competition
Latest stories from i100
Daily Quiz
Independent Dating
and  

By clicking 'Search' you
are agreeing to our
Terms of Use.

Career Services
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Guru Careers: Software Developer / C# Developer

£40-50K: Guru Careers: We are seeking an experienced Software / C# Developer w...

Guru Careers: Software Developer

£35 - 40k + Benefits: Guru Careers: We are seeking a Software Developer (JavaS...

SThree: Trainee Recruitment Consultant / Resourcer

£18000 - £23000 per annum + Commission: SThree: As a Trainee Recruitment Consu...

Ashdown Group: UI Developer - (UI, HTML, CSS, JavaScript, AngularJS)

£25000 - £40000 per annum: Ashdown Group: UI Developer - (UI, JavaScript, HTML...

Day In a Page

Sun, sex and an anthropological study: One British academic's summer of hell in Magaluf

Sun, sex and an anthropological study

One academic’s summer of hell in Magaluf
From Shakespeare to Rising Damp... to Vicious

Frances de la Tour's 50-year triumph

'Rising Damp' brought De la Tour such recognition that she could be forgiven if she'd never been able to move on. But at 70, she continues to flourish - and to beguile
'That Whitsun, I was late getting away...'

Ian McMillan on the Whitsun Weddings

This weekend is Whitsun, and while the festival may no longer resonate, Larkin's best-loved poem, lives on - along with the train journey at the heart of it
Kathryn Williams explores the works and influences of Sylvia Plath in a new light

Songs from the bell jar

Kathryn Williams explores the works and influences of Sylvia Plath
How one man's day in high heels showed him that Cannes must change its 'no flats' policy

One man's day in high heels

...showed him that Cannes must change its 'flats' policy
Is a quiet crusade to reform executive pay bearing fruit?

Is a quiet crusade to reform executive pay bearing fruit?

Dominic Rossi of Fidelity says his pressure on business to control rewards is working. But why aren’t other fund managers helping?
The King David Hotel gives precious work to Palestinians - unless peace talks are on

King David Hotel: Palestinians not included

The King David is special to Jerusalem. Nick Kochan checked in and discovered it has some special arrangements, too
More people moving from Australia to New Zealand than in the other direction for first time in 24 years

End of the Aussie brain drain

More people moving from Australia to New Zealand than in the other direction for first time in 24 years
Meditation is touted as a cure for mental instability but can it actually be bad for you?

Can meditation be bad for you?

Researching a mass murder, Dr Miguel Farias discovered that, far from bringing inner peace, meditation can leave devotees in pieces
Eurovision 2015: Australians will be cheering on their first-ever entrant this Saturday

Australia's first-ever Eurovision entrant

Australia, a nation of kitsch-worshippers, has always loved the Eurovision Song Contest. Maggie Alderson says it'll fit in fine
Letterman's final Late Show: Laughter, but no tears, as David takes his bow after 33 years

Laughter, but no tears, as Letterman takes his bow after 33 years

Veteran talkshow host steps down to plaudits from four presidents
Ivor Novello Awards 2015: Hozier wins with anti-Catholic song 'Take Me To Church' as John Whittingdale leads praise for Black Sabbath

Hozier's 'blasphemous' song takes Novello award

Singer joins Ed Sheeran and Clean Bandit in celebration of the best in British and Irish music
Tequila gold rush: The spirit has gone from a cheap shot to a multi-billion pound product

Join the tequila gold rush

The spirit has gone from a cheap shot to a multi-billion pound product
12 best statement wallpapers

12 best statement wallpapers

Make an impact and transform a room with a conversation-starting pattern
Paul Scholes column: Does David De Gea really want to leave Manchester United to fight it out for the No 1 spot at Real Madrid?

Paul Scholes column

Does David De Gea really want to leave Manchester United to fight it out for the No 1 spot at Real Madrid?