Football Diary: Bonny accord on hair

HAIR we go, Part I. Danny McGrain's managerial wizardry has put a smile and a beard on the face of hundreds of Arbroath fans. 'It started with some of the lads buying gorilla masks and cutting the hairy beards off to wear because Danny has a beard,' David Kean, Gayfield Park's commercial manager, said. 'Then a shop in town started selling beards with a gray streak through them like Danny's' A snip at pounds 1.99, these disappeared fast. Even Arbroath's receptionist has succumbed. 'I'm wearing one now,' she said. There is a strict pecking order among the beardies: the ones with dark-haired (gorilla) beards are known as 'Young Danny McGrains'. Those with grey wisps are 'Old Danny McGrains'.

HOT NEWS from Lancaster Gate. According to this week's fixture bulletin the final of the FA Youth Challenge Cup will be: 'Manchester United or York City or Millwall or Nottingham Forest v Bristol City or Norwich City or Sheffield United or Liverpool or Leeds United'. You have been warned.

HAIR we go, Part II. Arbroath have it; Stoke don't. Baldness is in vogue at the Victoria Ground. Out of respect to Kevin 'Rooster' Russell, their slaphead striker, Potters fans are hiding offending mops under 'Rooster Wig' patented pates.

WHO IS Jack Walker? That was the eye-opening question posed in the latest magazine from BR (British Rail, not Blackburn Rovers). 'You may not have heard much about Jack Walker . . . ,' declared the story on unknown businessmen. So who's that rather important figure at Ewood Park, then?

HAIR we go, Part III. Maine Road's mane man, Garry Flitcroft, whose blond bob is almost as eye- catching as his mature football, has been dubbed 'Purdey' by the kings of the Kippax. With Steve McMahon and Peter Reid out of action recently, Manchester City have needed this classy avenger in midfield. His cult-following is growing. A group of teenage fans have taken their Purdey passion to the extreme - and the barbers, returning with upmarket pudding-bowl cuts.

CHELSEA fans were singing the Blues at Ewood last Sunday; as the team crashed to their 13th match without a win came the defiant dirge - 'We'll win again. Don't know where. Don't know when'.

MORE music . . .

'On Saturday, we forget about the week's drudgery.

We go to Vale Park and pledge our tribal loyalty.

We stand together and swear at the referee]

For 90 magic minutes, our minds are free.'

So sings Jeff Kent, a hirsute musician, writer and lifelong Vale fan, in what is believed to be the first ever football club album. According to the blurb, 'Port Vale Forever, through its varying musical moods and diverse instrumentation presents a kaleidoscope of life at Port Vale Football Club born from the melodic mind of Jeff Kent'. Harmonious and unique the album certainly is, but the songs filling the air for today's visit of rivals West Brom may be slightly less noble.

Port Vale Forever is available from club shop and Sportspages.

TRAWLING through a local paper's lonely hearts' column Wolves fans were delighted to find that 'A 30-year-old West Bromwich Albion supporter seeks female with similar sense of humour'.

STATS LIFE

THE bottle of Aberlour Malt for freak fact of the week goes to Eric Brown, of Nottingham, for this . . .

'Following the cricketing humiliation in India, it was comforting to see a reasonable England XI all scored last Saturday: (Barry) Wood of Bournemouth; (Keith) Fletcher of Bournemouth; (Robin) Smith of Shrewsbury; (David) Steele of Woking; (John) Morris of Chesterfield; (Bob) Taylor of West Brom; (Don) Wilson of Sheffield Wed; (Eddie) Hemmings of Northwich Vic; (Graham) Stevenson of Scunthorpe; (Neil) Williams of Stockport; (David) Brown of Woking.

All freak facts to Football Diary, The Independent, 40 City Road, London EC1Y 2DB.