Football: Ince to be brought to book?

Andrew Longmore reads a new chapter in England's sorry story

AFTER THE vanity, publish the horror fiction. The Terrible Night England Began to Believe Their Own Publicity. It is still too early to write the epilogue to England's chances of qualifying for the European Championship in the summer of 2000 - one down, seven episodes to go - but the next few chapters need to be a lot racier than this one if the ending is to be suitably romantic.

The pre-match billboards advertised the battle of the strikers, Shearer v Owen. But the images conjured from a sunlit evening in Stockholm reflected not the golden goal of St Etienne, but the Swedes and Turnips of Graham Taylor's vegetable past. An equaliser deflected into the net via Tony Adams's left arm and David Seaman's prostrate stomach, the winner, a bobble off the knee of Paul Scholes; England reversed the trend by turning from kings to cabbages. The one thread stretching between St Etienne and Stockholm was mathematical. England ended both games with 10 men. For David Beckham read Paul Ince. Rightly expelled for two yellow cards, the Liverpool midfielder is becoming an increasing liability for his country.

That Scholes should be found so deep in retreat said much for the speed with which England, supposedly the wiser side after the experiences of France, hit the panic button. Rather than reading the next instalment of the coach's World Cup Diary or their centre-half's compelling life story, the England side should confine their bedside reading to the FA Book of Defending; 4-4-2 or 3-5-2, formations are irrelevant in the midst of rampant incompetence.

Not far away, the strike force designated by the assembled script writers to settle their personal issue must have wondered whether they had wandered into an episode of the X Files. The speculation centred as much on Alan Shearer's reaction to the rise of his partner as the extraordinary unconditional adulation accorded Michael Owen from the normally unassuming Swedes. Presumably, we will have to wait for the book to discover the innermost thoughts of Shearer. His demeanour in a spiky press conference earlier last week as question after question was directed at the little boy beside him suggested a man consigned to unwanted shadows. What was it Oscar Wilde said about publicity? The only thing worse than having it was not having it. The truth of that aphorism slowly dawned on the England captain last week.

It is a measure of Owen's instant celebrity that the sleep of the Swedish defenders had been disturbed not by the physical presence of Shearer but the elusiveness of England's Peter Pan. Shearer had wisely kept his counsel, trusting his eloquence to his boots. Yet anonymity, relative though it may be, is a priceless asset for a striker too. Shearer, desperately short of goals for club and country, knew he could profit from the defenders' divided attentions. In less time than it took to read the front cover, Shearer had opened his European Championship account. And if there was a touch of good fortune about his free-kick - not least that he profited from the absence of the usual dead-ball specialist, Beckham - then the celebrations had the question "who's the No 1 striker now?" written all over them.

For the first half, there was only one striker in the game and he was not christened Michael. The first imprint Owen left was on the ankles of the Swedish left-back, a tackle which would have brought him an immediate red card had it been committed on French soil a month and a half earlier. This is the other side of Owen, not so much Michaelmania as manic Michael, a scythe not dissimilar to the tackle on Ronny Johnsen which brought a red card and the people's vote as the second worst crime in the Premier League last season. The one glimpse of his more notable talent came with a delicate chip over the goalkeeper, exquisitely struck from an acute angle, but from an offside position.

Not until the second half did he get the time and space to run at the Swedish defence. The slamming of the door will become a familiar sound to him, now that defenders have satellite-beamed proof of the dangers of youth. Sweden worked on the lines of supply and kept Owen with his back to goal as often as possible. Inexperience, and a worrying injury to Darren Anderton, did the rest. Owen and Shearer are still a fledgling pairing. Too much of their time was spent outside hailing distance. The understanding will emerge; the future of England and, quite possibly, their coach rests on it. But, for the moment, no one will want to buy the paperback rights.

Arts and Entertainment
filmPoldark production team claims innocence of viewers' ab frenzy
Life and Style
Google marks the 81st anniversary of the Loch Ness Monster's most famous photograph
techIt's the 81st anniversary of THAT iconic photograph
Katie Hopkins makes a living out of courting controversy
General Election
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Caption competition
Caption competition
  • Get to the point
Latest stories from i100
Daily Quiz
Independent Dating

By clicking 'Search' you
are agreeing to our
Terms of Use.

Career Services
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Recruitment Genius: Office Administrator

£14000 - £18000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: An Office Administrator is requ...

Recruitment Genius: Sales Executive - Commercial Vehicles - OTE £40,000

£12000 - £40000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: Due to expansion and growth of ...

Ashdown Group: Senior PHP Developer - Sheffield - £50,000

£40000 - £50000 per annum: Ashdown Group: Senior PHP Developer position with a...

Recruitment Genius: Operations Leader - Plasma Processing

Negotiable: Recruitment Genius: An Operations Leader is required to join a lea...

Day In a Page

Revealed: Why Mohammed Emwazi chose the 'safe option' of fighting for Isis, rather than following his friends to al-Shabaab in Somalia

Why Mohammed Emwazi chose Isis

His friends were betrayed and killed by al-Shabaab
'The solution can never be to impassively watch on while desperate people drown'
An open letter to David Cameron: Building fortress Europe has had deadly results

Open letter to David Cameron

Building the walls of fortress Europe has had deadly results
Tory candidates' tweets not as 'spontaneous' as they seem - you don't say!

You don't say!

Tory candidates' election tweets not as 'spontaneous' as they appear
Mubi: Netflix for people who want to stop just watching trash

So what is Mubi?

Netflix for people who want to stop just watching trash all the time
The impossible job: how to follow Kevin Spacey?

The hardest job in theatre?

How to follow Kevin Spacey
Armenian genocide: To continue to deny the truth of this mass human cruelty is close to a criminal lie

Armenian genocide and the 'good Turks'

To continue to deny the truth of this mass human cruelty is close to a criminal lie
Lou Reed: The truth about the singer's upbringing beyond the biographers' and memoirists' myths

'Lou needed care, but what he got was ECT'

The truth about the singer's upbringing beyond
Migrant boat disaster: This human tragedy has been brewing for four years and EU states can't say they were not warned

This human tragedy has been brewing for years

EU states can't say they were not warned
Women's sportswear: From tackling a marathon to a jog in the park, the right kit can help

Women's sportswear

From tackling a marathon to a jog in the park, the right kit can help
Hillary Clinton's outfits will be as important as her policies in her presidential bid

Clinton's clothes

Like it or not, her outfits will be as important as her policies
NHS struggling to monitor the safety and efficacy of its services outsourced to private providers

Who's monitoring the outsourced NHS services?

A report finds that private firms are not being properly assessed for their quality of care
Zac Goldsmith: 'I'll trigger a by-election over Heathrow'

Zac Goldsmith: 'I'll trigger a by-election over Heathrow'

The Tory MP said he did not want to stand again unless his party's manifesto ruled out a third runway. But he's doing so. Watch this space
How do Greek voters feel about Syriza's backtracking on its anti-austerity pledge?

How do Greeks feel about Syriza?

Five voters from different backgrounds tell us what they expect from Syriza's charismatic leader Alexis Tsipras
From Iraq to Libya and Syria: The wars that come back to haunt us

The wars that come back to haunt us

David Cameron should not escape blame for his role in conflicts that are still raging, argues Patrick Cockburn
Sam Baker and Lauren Laverne: Too busy to surf? Head to The Pool

Too busy to surf? Head to The Pool

A new website is trying to declutter the internet to help busy women. Holly Williams meets the founders