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Don't be a know-all: Bobby Robson has been a manager for 32 years - two less than Bradford's Paul Jewell has been alive. The table, though, doesn't lie, as Bradford are above Newcastle, in the marginally more enviable position of 18th. Could be a six-pointer on 18 December.

Find a No 2: If Robson, 66, opts for Don Howe - who assisted him when England manager - their combined age, 130, would far exceed the club's, 118.

Make Shearer smile: Apparently Colin Montgomerie does one-to-one tutelage.

Make "Big Dunc" score: Just two league goals since his pounds 8m arrival from Everton last November. That's pounds 4m per goal. Maybe new blood? How much for the lad Guivarc'h?

Avoid promises: "No sexy football please, we're British."

Brush up on foreign languages: Having taken charge of clubs in Canada, England, Holland, Portugal and Spain, he has sound language skills, which are vital in a multi-cultural dressing-room. Oh, and he speaks fluent Geordie too.

Plug the leaky defence: The team have conceded 18 goals in their first five matches. Why not revert to the Kevin Keegan philosophy: attack is the best form of defence?

Radical thinking: Promote Ruud's mate Rob Lee and relegate Kieron Dyer to the reserves. That'll confuse 'em.

Avoid long-distance travel: Following Gullit's controversial comings and goings, it is crucial to live locally. So will it be the cottage in Suffolk or the villa in Spain?

Get win under belt: Oh, that. Maybe not on Saturday at Chelsea. Must be The Owls at home on the 19th. He'd luv it.