Football: The Sweeper: Mascot on the mat

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Name: Floyd and Harvey.

Club: Charlton.

Appearance: A giant dog (Floyd) and cat (Harvey).

Crime sheet: The duo nearly got into hot water a few weeks ago when the man inside Floyd, a schoolteacher called Simon, pretended to faint because of the heat and fell to the floor. The person inside, Harvey, a housewife called Kim, went to his aid, and in doing so, sat on him to fan his face. "They got a few strange looks," said one Addicks insider, but added that the pair realised the position was compromising and parted. Floyd's main crime is so awful it is painful to mention. "Simon [aka Floyd] is a Manchester United supporter," said the insider. "But don't print that, will you? It wouldn't be good."

In mitigation, your Honour: Floyd and Harvey have become firm favourites with the kids and are in demand everywhere from The Valley to Bexleyheath, where the shopping centre's owners want the pair to do promotional work. Floyd's affiliations to the Red Devils also show that anyone is welcome at the club. Indeed the sweets handed out to the kids on match days are actually paid for (at pounds 25 a game) by a Chelsea fan who heard the venture needed financing. Ahhhh.