Football: The wit and wisdom of King Kenny

Click to follow
The Independent Online
Saturday's press conference starts with a standard conversational opening gambit...

Reporter: "That was a bad result for you, Kenny."

Dalglish: "Well, that's a bit obvious isn't it?"

This, however, was positively perky compared to the later exchanges...

Reporter: "Does that result have any wider significance?"

Dalglish: "Not as wide a significance as what your waist is at the moment.

"Reporter: "What?"

Dalglish: "Not as wide as your waist?"

Reporter: "Is that relevant?"

Dalglish: "Your waist? It is if you want to look after your health."

Later Dalglish was asked if he was worried that Newcastle were one of those mid-table sides which, having been sucked into the relegation fight, are not as prepared for it as those teams which have been scrapping against the drop since Christmas.

Dalglish: "It will be a bigger worry for yourself if you are accusing us of lacking in commitment, is that what you are trying to say?"

Reporter: "I did not say that."

Dalglish: "You did say that, you did. So we are not committed to getting out? In January we had the same principles as what we have got now. We are committed to winning games."

Reporter: "Why do you think you are not winning games?"

Dalglish: "Simply because we are not scoring as many goals as they are."

Reporter: "That is a simplistic answer."

Dalglish: "Is it not a simple game? You ask the questions I'll give you the answers."

The conference winds down.

Reporter: "How much responsibility do you shoulder yourself?"

Dalglish: "We are guarded in what we have to say and with a person like yourself trying to put a knife in my back I have got to be even more guarded... Responsibility stops with the manager and I am not going to run away from that. The manager has the ultimate responsibility."