Trinidad & Tobago 0 England 3: Caribbean cruise

Jermain Defoe scored twice last night but if he thinks goals against a team like Trinidad and Tobago will be enough to earn him a reputation as an international goalscorer then he should reconsider. It was the friendly no-one in England wanted against the team that looked like they wanted to be on the beach – preferably snoozing in a hammock judging by this performance.

Fabio Capello will not have had an easier victory than this one – and that includes the games that Luciano Moggi fixed for him when he was in charge of Juventus. In fact the England manager will struggle to take anything meaningful from a game played at such a leisurely pace although he would do well to note that if Dean Ashton does not look like an international striker against this standard of opposition then he never will. The West Ham striker’s international debut was memorable but not for much that was good.

Without wishing to be cruel, Ashton hit his best chance so far over that the bar you feared they would have to scramble the local fisherman to retrieve it from the nearby Invaders Bay. He laboured painfully when the ball was played into him, was replaced at half-time and no amount of praise from Alan Shearer on the BBC will mask his inefficiencies. Defoe took his goals well but he could not have claimed to be clinical when presented with at least two more decent chances to score.

Capello politely said that he thought it had been a worthwhile exercise. “Every game we play we go forward step-by-step and every game we learn a lot,” he said. “I know the players better and I know their characteristics and that is very important”. Gareth Barry took over the captaincy from David Beckham in the second half – and Capello said that he had now tried out five captains for the role.

Two goals ahead within sixteen minutes – Barry got the first – there were times when it was necessary to remind yourselves what exactly it was England were doing here a few miles off the coast of Venezuela at the end of a long, hard season. Oh yes, it was about the bid for the 2018 World Cup and the vote of Jack Warner, the controversial head of football on these small islands and a power in Fifa. In terms of that rather dubious objective the night could be considered a resounding success.

Above all, Trinidadians were at the Hasely Crawford stadium to see Beckham whose name was cheered louder than any other. The Football Association officials who were slowly cooking in their regulation blue blazers will have noted Warner’s name was given a warm reception too. Apparently that is not always the case around here and what is good for Warner is good for the FA.

Of course, the real action starts in Basel on Saturday when Euro 2008 begins – without England. That sad fact was made all the more poignant to see the likes of Steven Gerrard and Rio Ferdinand trailing around in this pointless match when, in a happier parallel universe, they would be preparing to play at a major international tournament. Instead they were providing the opposition for Dwight Yorke and his mates in a game that finished at 00.15 this morning, English time.

As well as Ashton’s debut, Joe Hart and Phil Jagielka were both capped for the first time in a game that was billed in Trinidad as “A Score to Settle” in reference to the largely forgettable 2-0 defeat for T&T against England at the 2006 World Cup finals. That game might have been a speck in the history of the England but in Port of Spain they still have not forgotten that day in Nuremberg when Peter Crouch tugged the dreadlocks of defender Brent Sancho seconds before he headed in the first goal. The Liverpool striker’s name was booed by the home crowd just as much as that of the Trinidad sports minister Gary Hunt who had threatened not to make the stadium available for the game earlier in the week.

Sixteen minutes gone and with England two goals up, the scale of the task did not look particularly daunting. Certainly no more difficult than taking potshots at a shoal of the local swordfish delicacy after the aforementioned had been rounded up and placed in a barrel. Truly, T&T were dreadful in defence and England scored two quick goals with the minimum of effort.

Their lead came shortly after Kenwyne Jones, by far T&T’s most promising player, had hobbled out the game following a collision with David James as he chased a throughball that Ferdinand had nervously shepherded back towards his goalkeeper. It will do nothing to improve Roy Keane’s mood on his summer holidays to know that Sunderland’s player of the season looks like he has a bad knock to nurse through the next month.

England’s first goal came on 12 minutes when Stewart Downing’s long ball down the left wing eluded the error-prone full-back Kern Cupid and was taken on by Wayne Bridge. His cross was met powerfully by Barry who came charging into the area and forced the ball home from close range. In midfield, Gerrard was being afforded as much time as he liked dictating the possession and tempo of the game.

It is difficult to know what to make of an England performance when they are up against the likes of Cupid – at times they must have wondered themselves what they are doing here – but England kept attacking. Four minutes after the goal, the inept Cupid was completely out of position again when Downing played in Defoe and he had all the time in the world to pick his spot. Defoe’s two goals were his first for England since he scored twice against Andorra in September 2004.

Half-time was the last we saw of Ashton, he was replaced by Crouch who made Defoe’s second goal four minutes into the half. A cross from the right from David Bentley, on for Beckham, was headed down by the striker and into the path of Defoe. He should have had his hat-trick shortly afterwards when Crouch and Gerrard combined but Defoe scuffed his shot wide.

Trinidad & Tobago (4-4-2): Ince (Walsall); Cupid (W Connection), Lawrence (Swansea), M Hislop (United Petrotrin), Farrier (University of Southern Connecticut); Edwards (Sunderland), Hyland (unattached), Whitley (San Juan Jabloteh), Daniel (United Petrotrin); Jones (Sunderland), John (Southampton). Substitutes used: Roberts (unattached), for Jones, 11; Telesford (Puerto Rico Islanders) for Roberts, h-t; Smith (United Petrotrin) for Cupid, h-t; Forbes (United Petrotrin), for John, 74; Yorke (Sunderland) for Hyland, 76.

England (4-4-2): James (Portsmouth); Johnson (Portsmouth), Ferdinand (Manchester United), Woodgate (Tottenham), Bridge (Chelsea); Beckham (LA Galaxy), Gerrard (Liverpool), Barry (Aston Villa), Downing (Middlesbrough); Defoe (Portsmouth), Ashton (West Ham). Substitutes used: Hart (Manchester City) for James, h-t; Crouch (Liverpool) for Ashton, h-t; Bentley (Blackburn) for Beckham, h-t; Jagielka (Everton) for Ferdinand, h-t; Young (Aston Villa) for Downing, 57; Walcott (Arsenal) for Defoe, 69; Warnock (Blackburn) for Bridge, 84.

Referee: E Wingard (Surinam)

Man of the match: Gerrard.

Attendance: 23,000

Half-time: 0-2

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