An email conversation with Jeff Stelling: 'We are all high on the elixir of life, talking about football'

With the Football League season coming to an end at the weekend are you excited, or is there a tinge of sadness that the Soccer Saturday programme you present on Sky Sports is nearing a finish? A tinge of sadness? There will be tears all round - Soccer Saturday is a major part of my life and for all those who work on it. Summer just isn't the same.

How will you fill your Saturdays once the season is over? On beaches in Cyprus, France, Bournemouth and Portugal.

Do you sometimes wish you could go to a Saturday match? Or is watching the videprinter more exciting than watching Hartlepool, your team? I try to go to midweek games when I can, so I have balance in my life! It's not often I get to see Hartlepool though. In truth, when I do go I tend to be a bit of a Jonah, so it's best I am not there too often.

Can we test your historical Hartlepool credentials and ask if you know the nickname of your Egyptian star of the 1920s, Tewfik Abdullah. (No looking it up). And who is the best and worst foreign player 'Pool have ever had? How old do you think I am? Surprisingly, we don't get too many overseas players at Hartlepool. The best is there now, our Greek goalkeeper, Dimitrios Konstantopoulos. Joel Porter and Jan-Ove Pedersen would be up there too. Bad players? We don't have bad players at Hartlepool!

In case you didn't know, he was called Toothpick. Why are Hartlepool known as the Monkey Hangers? During the Napoleonic Wars, a monkey was washed up on the beach at Seaton Carew. After a fair trial at which it refused to speak up for itself, the monkey was hanged as a French spy. Perfectly understandable.

Why were Hartlepool called Hartlepools until 1968? Which name do you prefer? We were Hartlepools because the club represented the neighbouring towns of West Hartlepool and Hartlepool. When the towns amalgamated, the club lost the s. I prefer the singular version because there really is only one Hartlepool!

After years of anonymity the Pool have been involved in five losing play-off series, two automatic promotions and one relegation in the last eight seasons. Has it been difficult to maintain a semblance of impartiality on the programme during this period? Impartiality is for Super Sunday, Football First, You're on Sky Sports - but not for Soccer Saturday when Hartlepool play. I would apologise to all other fans of lower-league clubs, but being passionate supporters themselves, they understand how I feel. Sometimes you just can't help yourself.

The club have just won promotion to League One. When they had two points from the first five matches did you fear the worst? And did you ever doubt Danny Wilson, the manager? We made a rotten start and I did fear a return to the bad old days - but only fleetingly. As all the Soccer Saturday boys know, I never doubted Danny for a minute. Well perhaps just for a minute, after we lost 3-1 at Hereford.

What's the weirdest fan mail you've ever had? The best email I ever had was "David Ginola and Jeff Stelling on the same show - heaven!" It was from a woman, by the way. Recently we had a guest in the studio who was impressed by the show, but much more impressed by the chair he was sitting in. It was "fantastic - great back support, superb neck rest. Where can I get one from?"

You seem to revel in the oddities of lower-league football. Would you like to see Hartlepool in the Premiership? Don't be stupid!

Is it even conceivable? No.

You and your guests seem to have a non-stop laugh. Is there a free bar before broadcast or do you just take drugs before going into the studio? We are just high on the elixir of life; what better way to spend an afternoon than with a group of your best mates, talking about football? And occasionally with Alan McInally, too.

If you could choose four people from any point in history to sit on your Soccer Saturday panel, who would they be? Gandhi, Churchill, John F Kennedy and Napoleon (in Tony Cottee's seat). Or, alternatively, Nell McAndrew, Meg Ryan, Cat Deeley and Kylie Minogue (in Tony Cottee's seat).

Were you sad to see Rodney Marsh dropped from Soccer Saturday and do you think he should have been? Yes, I was sorry to see him go, but I couldn't possibly comment on whether he should have gone.

Has any panelist on Soccer Saturday ever been so bad they couldn't be invited back? Yes.

What has been the best line you have delivered on Soccer Saturday? Not much choice to be honest! "They'll be dancing in the streets of Total Network Solutions" became a bit of a standard. My personal favourite was "Jellyman has been sent off - must have thrown a wobbly". Crikey. Not sure that's much of a legacy, is it?

Do you prefer presenting Soccer Saturday or live matches? Soccer Saturday every time. It's more challenging and more fun.

You have an encyclopaedic knowledge of lower-league football. How do you achieve this? And is it true you used to go to a service station off the M27 to do your research? I still start my research at the Winchester Services on the M3 most weeks, usually northbound but sometimes southbound for variety. It used to be peaceful but now Steve, the manager, a Spurs fan, and Joe, a Portsmouth fan married to a Southampton supporter, recognise me. That means I talk football more there than in my office.

What non-footballing global sporting event would you most like to attend? I am lucky enough to have been to most of them in my years in sports broadcasting. Possibly the Breeders' Cup or the Super Bowl.

What is the worst lower-league ground you have been to? I can't tell you. I might have to go back.

And the best? The Kassam Stadium at Oxford.

Why do the England team and their "golden generation" regularly underperform? Possibly because other nations have golden generations too. We tend not to consider that other countries might have some decent players. Also - call me a dinosaur - I think we could play in a bit more of an English, up and at 'em way, rather than try to ape the slower continental style. OK, I am a dinosaur.

Jeff Stelling presents Gillette Soccer Saturday and Monday Night Football on Sky Sports.