Comment: Even Roy Keane and Gary Neville would fall silent when Paul Scholes spoke at Manchester United

View From the Sofa: He's the sort that sat in the corner drawing violent images on his pencil case

The famous picture of the Million Dollar Quartet – Elvis Presley seated at a piano surrounded by Johnny Cash, Jerry Lee Lewis and Carl Perkins – invokes one of the great "what ifs" of music. Although they were pictured together at Memphis's Sun Studios, Cash never appeared on any subsequent recordings. Fans ever since have wondered what magic the four men would have come up with.

Paul Scholes' verbal volley on Tuesday night raised another "what if": what would happen if he, Gary Neville and Roy Keane were put in a room together with the cameras rolling? One thing is for sure: David Moyes' name would be raised and along with it would be more than a few home truths. Contractual obligations dictate that the meeting would never happen, of course, but we can but wonder.

Scholes' stint in the pundit's chair before and after the Manchester derby surprised many, because he has never been known for his strong opinions. His former team-mates Keane and Neville seemed naturals for television work, given their propensity to speak out as players.

Read more: Moyes is safe at United.... for now
Former United favourites sticking the boot into Moyes
Even Keane and Neville would fall silent when Scholes spoke

But Scholes was – is – an enigma. Although he turns 40 in November, he still looks like a moody teenager. The sort that sat in the corner sullenly at school while drawing violent images on his pencil case.

But he showed on Tuesday night, as he looked through his eyebrows, barely raising his head to make eye contact with the host, Ed Chamberlin, that he can deliver a swift kick to the proverbials. He skewered Marouane Fellaini ("for the money they paid for him, I'd be expecting a lot more") before letting rip on Arsenal's players "going missing" in their "tippy-tappy" way of playing.

 

It made you wish for a parallel universe, where Scholes, Keane and Neville were given a couple of hours and an open bar to pick apart the state of their club.

Keane would go all high-pitched and trip over his words in his pantomime "angry" voice. Neville would then chime in with some analysis of United's tactical failings.

Read more: 'Class of 92' linked with takeover
United fans organising 'Moyes Out' flyover
Fellaini claims Zabaletta 'bounced his jaw into my elbow'

Scholes would take a deep breath before letting out a sigh, as he did on Tuesday when Chamberlin asked him where United need to strengthen. Then in his broad, monotone Mancunian accent, he would say his piece. It wouldn't take long, but it would be to the point – and no doubt both Keane and Neville would take a sip of their drinks in silence. Because they would both know that Scholes, the sullen, dangerous-looking man in the corner, was right.

Suggested Topics
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Caption competition
Caption competition
  • Get to the point
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?

Bleacher Report

Daily Quiz
Independent Dating
and  

By clicking 'Search' you
are agreeing to our
Terms of Use.

Day In a Page

No postcode? No vote

Floating voters

How living on a houseboat meant I didn't officially 'exist'
Louis Theroux's affable Englishman routine begins to wear thin

By Reason of Insanity

Louis Theroux's affable Englishman routine begins to wear thin
Power dressing is back – but no shoulderpads!

Power dressing is back

But banish all thoughts of Eighties shoulderpads
Spanish stone-age cave paintings 'under threat' after being re-opened to the public

Spanish stone-age cave paintings in Altamira 'under threat'

Caves were re-opened to the public
'I was the bookies’ favourite to be first to leave the Cabinet'

Vince Cable interview

'I was the bookies’ favourite to be first to leave the Cabinet'
Election 2015: How many of the Government's coalition agreement promises have been kept?

Promises, promises

But how many coalition agreement pledges have been kept?
The Gaza fisherman who built his own reef - and was shot dead there by an Israeli gunboat

The death of a Gaza fisherman

He built his own reef, and was fatally shot there by an Israeli gunboat
Saudi Arabia's airstrikes in Yemen are fuelling the Gulf's fire

Saudi airstrikes are fuelling the Gulf's fire

Arab intervention in Yemen risks entrenching Sunni-Shia divide and handing a victory to Isis, says Patrick Cockburn
Zayn Malik's departure from One Direction shows the perils of fame in the age of social media

The only direction Zayn could go

We wince at the anguish of One Direction's fans, but Malik's departure shows the perils of fame in the age of social media
Young Magician of the Year 2015: Meet the schoolgirl from Newcastle who has her heart set on being the competition's first female winner

Spells like teen spirit

A 16-year-old from Newcastle has set her heart on being the first female to win Young Magician of the Year. Jonathan Owen meets her
Jonathan Anderson: If fashion is a cycle, this young man knows just how to ride it

If fashion is a cycle, this young man knows just how to ride it

British designer Jonathan Anderson is putting his stamp on venerable house Loewe
Number plates scheme could provide a licence to offend in the land of the free

Licence to offend in the land of the free

Cash-strapped states have hit on a way of making money out of drivers that may be in collision with the First Amendment, says Rupert Cornwell
From farm to fork: Meet the Cornish fishermen, vegetable-growers and butchers causing a stir in London's top restaurants

From farm to fork in Cornwall

One man is bringing together Cornwall's most accomplished growers, fishermen and butchers with London's best chefs to put the finest, freshest produce on the plates of some of the country’s best restaurants
Robert Parker interview: The world's top wine critic on tasting 10,000 bottles a year, absurd drinking notes and New World wannabes

Robert Parker interview

The world's top wine critic on tasting 10,000 bottles a year, absurd drinking notes and New World wannabes
Don't believe the stereotype - or should you?

Don't believe the stereotype - or should you?

We exaggerate regional traits and turn them into jokes - and those on the receiving end are in on it too, says DJ Taylor