Mark Steel: Germany shows its true colours again - yellow, red and black wigs

View From The Terraces (or while watching in a Cologne square)

Thursday, 29 June 2006

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In the vast square behind the immense and stoic Cologne Cathedral, thousands of Germans watched Germany v Sweden on a huge screen, including Matthias, who was very drunk. When I told him where I was from, he said "Aaah. I can be English - watch." Then he held both arms aloft and in a perfect Home Counties accent sang, "Stand upif you won the war, stand upif you won the war."

"I have another," he said, and bellowed "You're shitand you know you are."

Maybe he could inspire a programme called Football Crowd Stars in Their Eyes, where the contestants introduce themselves by saying to Cat Deeley something like "Tonight Cat, I'm going to be - Millwall," then hurl coins at a pensioner in a wheelchair.

Watching a match in these squares is a novel experience as the opposing sets of fans are amicably mixed together, giving the appearance of a rock festival, and segregating them seems as unnecessary as a steward at Glastonbury telling Radiohead fans, "You can't come in here mate, this is the White Stripes end."

But for this match it was hardly an issue anyway, as not only was almost everyone German, they were painted German. Even so, the atmosphere before the game was exactly like those moments before the main band comes on at a festival; tracks such as "Final Countdown", girls on shoulders, flags held held high and slowly swished, random shrieks and, as kick-off approached, lots of whistling and yelling, like the calls to encourage the gig to start. As if the referee might appear on the screen, say "All right then," soundcheck his whistle and start the match 10 minutes early.

There's a debate in Germany about the current fashion for exhibiting the German flag, which has previously been considered unacceptable, with what happened last time. But in this World Cup it's lost its stigma, making some people think: "Uh-oh, they've started again."

At first glance there shouldn't be too much to worry about, as one of the main ways in which the flag colours were displayed in Cologne was on yellow, red and black curly wigs. Surely even the UK Independence Party wouldn't say, "Oh yes - it starts with curly wigs and ends with invading Greece."

The crowd is young, with loads of women, and a little bit black, including characters such as Luis, a sign-painter from Chile who saw Pele play in the World Cup of 1962, and who lost friends who "disappeared", courtesy of General Pinochet, the Chilean dictator. He now lives in Germany and stood in the crowd with his face painted like a German flag.

Jimmy, from Liverpool, wasn't wearing anything German. But he did tell me he'd been at the England v Sweden match. "All the Scousers went in, then handed their tickets back out so's we all gorrin for nothing like, hundreds of us." And he exhibited a Tony Blairish quality for looking convinced he was telling the truth when this was obviously utter cobblers. Right now he's probably in Dortmund telling a stranger "Here, we were in Berlin, this lad from Kirby's pulled up in his van, we've nicked the Brandenburg Gate. I've gorrit back at the hotel, like."

The Germans were two up after a few minutes, then the Swedes had a man sent off, then missed a penalty, so the crowd waved their flags without pause, except to get more drunk. Matthias taught me the correct way to say "Cheers" in Cologne. "You say 'Prosit'," he insisted, "But you must look the person directly in the eye or it means seven years' bad sex." Then he sang a song with his friends, about which Inge, a student, warned me: "This song may be offensive, it is about the big gay community in Cologne."

"Oh no", I thought, and asked what the words were. She said "It goes: 'In Cologne there is quite a lot of gays'." Relieved, I said "Is that it? You're sure there isn't one line that begins with the word 'takes', for example?"

From the end of the match, crowds of Germans drunkenly linked arms and chanted "Deutschland, Deutschland," tripped over discarded bottles and sang a song Matthias taught me that goes, "How is the beautiful," which sounds a wonderfully philosophical conundrum to sing as a result of beating Sweden. And everyone I spoke to said they'd never waved flags before because that was associated with Hitler, but now they felt they could, as they were only doing the same as supporters from everywhere else.

In some parts of Germany, of course, waving flags is still associated with Hitler and that's why they still do it. This is especially true in parts of the East, where the new world they were promised has turned out to be the right, even if you're unemployed and skint, to gaze in the windows at Cartier's jewellery store. So German nationalism seems divided between a youthful inclusive kind in the large Western cities, and an embittered kind in smaller towns, that blames "outsiders" for their plight.

Perhaps they will only be a truly modern nation when their football fans sing: "Stand up if you dominate the European Union both politically and economically." Or, more succinctly: "Sie sind Scheisse - und Sie wissen dass Sie es sind."