Matt Butler: Brilliant TV as eye-popping pundit Roy Keane gives Gareth Southgate another good kicking

View From the Sofa: Champions League, ITV

As fish in barrels go, criticising ITV for its football coverage is akin to tackling a sturgeon in a hogshead with a blunderbuss. There's the inordinate amount of advertising. Or the token 15-minute build-up to what was a must-see game, if not quite of the magnitude of Jose Mourinho's ludicrous "the world will stop" hyberbole. Or Clive Tyldesley's beyond self-parody commentary. Or Adrian Chiles, for many, many reasons.

But before Uefa and the FA tout around for another channel to air their wares, it should be remembered that there is one jewel in ITV's crown which should be taken into consideration: Roy Keane, the Father Jack of football punditry.

Keane was at his curmudgeonly best when debating whether Nani should have been sent off during Manchester United's loss to Real Madrid. For the record, Keane believed the referee, Cuneyt Cakir, was right to send off the Portuguese winger. "It was dangerous play," Keane repeatedly harumphed.

But what made Keane's ire even more hilarious was that it was Gareth Southgate who had taken up the opposing opinion. The pair rarely saw eye-to-eye as players – although they did meet foot-to-chest back in 1995 – and they have kept up their mutual antagonism in their roles as pundits.

On Tuesday night Southgate, in the tone of a supply teacher attempting to control a class of 14-year-olds, manfully tried to defend Nani by saying the player wasn't aware of others around him. Keane's eyes bulged. He seemed only just to stop himself from repeating his 2002 World Cup catchphrase of "stick it up your bollocks", before sputtering, in a pitch you suspect his children would tremble in fear at: "Gareth, does he not think there would be other footballers on the pitch? Does he think he has 20 yards to himself? Whether he meant it or not is irrelevant. It was dangerous play."

Keane had the dubious privilege of having in his corner Chiles, who was hopping about behind him like a bully's henchman squealing: "Do him, Keano, do him!" Poor Southgate only had the mild-mannered Lee Dixon to back him up. And when Keane went into full monstering mode, the ex-Arsenal man actually resorted to waving his hands in surrender gestures, stammering: "That's only my opinion."

It was only when Keane started assassinating Nani's character as a player ("He's a quick boy to go down anyway, he's not the bravest player on the planet") that you thought that, as a disgruntled former United employee, he was getting a little too personal. It wasn't exactly incisive. But no matter – it was still great telly.

Independent Comment
blog comments powered by Disqus
Caption competition
Caption competition
News in pictures
World news in pictures
Sport blogs

iBet: Look To The Lady In The Prince Of Wales

The Prince of Wales Stakes today is regarded by many as the No1 race of the Royal Ascot meeting and ...

by Gareth Purnell

iBet: Favourites have a good record in the Coventry stakes

Today’s St James Palace looks a cracker and there has been sustained money for Dawn Approach since t...

by Gareth Purnell

Newcastle don’t need a football director – they need a new medical team after finishing bottom of the injury league

Newcastle United have shocked their fans by appointing Joe Kinnear as director of football but new f...

by Alex Miller

       
 

Day In a Page

'To farm I have to rape the countryside. It’s got to be wrong': The true effect of the badger cull

The true effect of the badger cull

'To farm I have to rape the countryside. It’s got to be wrong'
Theatre review: Daniel Radcliffe gives an admirably honest performance in Michael Grandage's The Cripple of Inishmaan

First night: The Cripple of Inishmaan

Daniel Radcliffe gives an admirably honest performance in Michael Grandage's comedy
Girls Guides drop religious reference but pledge to self and the Queen

Guides drop religious reference but pledge to self and the Queen

After 103 years, organisation changes oath to welcome 'all girls, of all faiths, and none'
Steve Tongue: Joe Kinnear was one of the boys and a breath of fresh air... 21 years ago

Steve Tongue

Joe Kinnear was one of the boys and a breath of fresh air... 21 years ago
Chris Froome: Free from 'pain in neck' after Bradley Wiggins' exit

Chris Froome: Free from 'pain in neck' after Wiggins' exit

Sky's lead rider says he is in fantastic form for the Tour and happy pecking order debate is over
Hannah England: I've got the right times – now to focus on the chess

Hannah England: Keeping Track

I've got the right times – now to focus on the chess
Beards, brawn and body art

Beards, brawn and body art

Meet London’s new batch of male models
Scandi-geeks descend on Nordicana for fan-convention

Scandi-geeks descend on Nordicana for fan-convention

British love of shows such as The Bridge, Borgen and The Killing shows no sign of fading
Behind the rhetoric what is really being done to combat desertification?

The Great Green Wall of Africa,

Behind the rhetoric what is really being done to combat desertification?
Laughter Inc: the cheering growth of the chuckle industry

Laughter Inc

The cheering growth of the chuckle industry
The bad science scandal: how fact-fabrication is damaging UK's global name for research

The bad science scandal

How fact-fabrication is damaging UK's global name for research
To the manor born: The female aristocrats battling to inherit the title

Female aristocrats battle to inherit the title

A passionate protest is gathering pace among the women of Britain's aristocracy, who believe that men should no longer automatically inherit the family pile and title.
Love struck: Photographs of JFK's visit to Berlin 50 years ago reveal a nation instantly smitten

In pictures: JFK's visit to Berlin in 1963

Photographer Ulrich Mack accompanied Kennedy on the entire trip. The results are an astonishing record of a watershed moment.
Eat shoots and leaves: Mark Hix gets creative with fresh peas, mangetouts and sugar snaps

Mark Hix gets creative with English peas

English peas and their offsprings, such as mangetouts and sugar snaps, are great tossed into a salad, says our chef.
Ceviche with a smile: Chef Martin Morales has turned South America's elegant cuisine into one of London's hottest food trends

Chef Martin Morales: Ceviche with a smile

Morales has turned South America's elegant cuisine into one of London's hottest food trends