Quotes of the Euros: "Jakub watched his father murder his mother... but he's bounced back"

Adrian Chiles set the tone but others followed suit with plenty more nonsense... plus the odd clever quip

I like Balotelli. He's someone who can damage himself, the team and his opponent. He can score the winning goal then set fire to the hotel. - Goran Ivanisevic

Why, for the life of me, hasn't Pirlo played in England? Is he just homophobic? Is he Italian through and through and doesn't want to leave? - Phil Brown, former Hull manager.

Are there any gays in the [Italian] dressing room? I hope not. If I say what I really think there will be chaos. - Antonio Cassano.

Cassano was surprised at the controversy and actually asked me what homophobia meant. - Pierluigi Pardo, Italian journalist.

People say I should be a tutor to Mario Balotelli? Well, in that case we're in big trouble! Who is going to look after me, then? - Cassano again.

Spain may be winning but it's not the beautiful game anymore! It's boring. - Boris Becker tweet.

I'm not strong, nor fast, nor skilful. I'm a player from the street. Without my team-mates, without space, I am nothing. - Xavi, Spain midfielder.

Most players will tell you they don't want to lose the opening game. - Mark Bright.

Murder on the Gdansk floor. - Gary Lineker's most overwrought pun.

Agincourt, Waterloo and now, Donetsk. - Clive Tyldesley at England v France.

If you're parking three buses in front of the goal, that's not football. - Michael Ballack on England v France.

Hunger will lead a fox out of the forest. But will he have the desire to take the tournament by the scruff of the neck? A strutting peacock or a striding colossus? - Jonathan Pearce on Cristiano Ronaldo.

You know where Messi was at this time last year? He was being eliminated in the Copa America, in his own country. I think that's worse, no? - Ronaldo gets touchy about chants of "Messi! Messi!" by Denmark fans.

Ronaldo is not the second best player in the world. He's 12th best. The first 11 are Barcelona players. - Sandro Rossell, Barça president.

Ronaldo very rarely never gets a cross in. - Mark Lawrenson.

He's won fuck all. - Giovanni Trapattoni, Republic of Ireland manager, in a mumbled aside after criticism by Roy Keane.

The operation went well but the patient died. - Erik Hamren, Sweden manager.

Guy Mowbray: Wonder what Prandelli has up his sleeve.
Mark Lawrenson: His shirt?

My soul was left on that pitch, and I think I need a few people to carry me off because I was literally dead. - Ivan Rakitic, Croatia midfielder, after their last-gasp exit against Spain.

Holland started as if they meant to go on. - Lee Dixon.

Why didn't Robben just pull the trigger and shoot himself? - Martin Keown.

It's time we let go of these pathetic egos. We don't need a psychologist with the Dutch team, we are grown-up men. The ones who have a problem with other players or the manager should tell them face to face. That's the only psychology we need. We have to stop living on little islands. - Wesley Sneijder, Netherlands midfielder, after three defeats.

You're looking for shit. You're looking for trouble. Fuck you. - Samir Nasri to reporters after France's loss to Spain.

These players, from some of the biggest clubs in Europe, have distinguished themselves by a lack of humility, an immaturity and an inability to represent their country and millions of supporters. - Joel Muller, head of the French coaches' association.

Roy Hodgson is an Italian Englishman. - Roberto Mancini before the Italy v England quarter-final.

As usual they are going through a familiar sequence of events in England. They all expected a first-round elimination, but now they're through to the next round they're already talking about a semi-final against Germany, as if Italy were Luxembourg. - Gabriele Marcotti, London correspondent of Il Corriere dello Sport.

I don't watch penalties in my hotel room. I watch naughty videos. - Gianluigi Buffon, Italy goalkeeper, 24 hours before the England shoot-out.

I'm disappointed. You might find this hard to understand but I do feel more for England in football. And I care a lot about Andy Carroll. He's a very good-looking man.- Nancy Dell'Olio, Italian former partner of Sven Goran Eriksson.

Every now and then, when I tried to explain tactics, things didn't work out. Maybe it's because Rooney doesn't speak English. He doesn't understand English. I think Rooney only understands Scottish. That's because he only plays well in Manchester, where Sir Alex Ferguson speaks Scottish. - Fabio Capello.

A boy from Croxteth should not use hair product. - Jamie Carragher on the Rooney "rug".

Guy Mowbray (as camera finds tearful German): Poor girl.
Mark Lawrenson: She might be rich.

BBC Commentator: Germany won it in 96, then went out in the group stages in 2000 and 2004 before being runners-up in 2008.
Mark Bright: That's Germany for you, always there or thereabouts

I don't give a shit who wins it now. I'm going on holiday. - Zlatan Ibrahimovic, Sweden striker.