Quotes of the Euros: "Jakub watched his father murder his mother... but he's bounced back"
Adrian Chiles set the tone but others followed suit with plenty more nonsense... plus the odd clever quip
Monday 02 July 2012
I like Balotelli. He's someone who can damage himself, the team and his opponent. He can score the winning goal then set fire to the hotel. - Goran Ivanisevic
Why, for the life of me, hasn't Pirlo played in England? Is he just homophobic? Is he Italian through and through and doesn't want to leave? - Phil Brown, former Hull manager.
Are there any gays in the [Italian] dressing room? I hope not. If I say what I really think there will be chaos. - Antonio Cassano.
Cassano was surprised at the controversy and actually asked me what homophobia meant. - Pierluigi Pardo, Italian journalist.
People say I should be a tutor to Mario Balotelli? Well, in that case we're in big trouble! Who is going to look after me, then? - Cassano again.
Spain may be winning but it's not the beautiful game anymore! It's boring. - Boris Becker tweet.
I'm not strong, nor fast, nor skilful. I'm a player from the street. Without my team-mates, without space, I am nothing. - Xavi, Spain midfielder.
Most players will tell you they don't want to lose the opening game. - Mark Bright.
Murder on the Gdansk floor. - Gary Lineker's most overwrought pun.
Agincourt, Waterloo and now, Donetsk. - Clive Tyldesley at England v France.
If you're parking three buses in front of the goal, that's not football. - Michael Ballack on England v France.
Hunger will lead a fox out of the forest. But will he have the desire to take the tournament by the scruff of the neck? A strutting peacock or a striding colossus? - Jonathan Pearce on Cristiano Ronaldo.
You know where Messi was at this time last year? He was being eliminated in the Copa America, in his own country. I think that's worse, no? - Ronaldo gets touchy about chants of "Messi! Messi!" by Denmark fans.
Ronaldo is not the second best player in the world. He's 12th best. The first 11 are Barcelona players. - Sandro Rossell, Barça president.
Ronaldo very rarely never gets a cross in. - Mark Lawrenson.
He's won fuck all. - Giovanni Trapattoni, Republic of Ireland manager, in a mumbled aside after criticism by Roy Keane.
The operation went well but the patient died. - Erik Hamren, Sweden manager.
Guy Mowbray: Wonder what Prandelli has up his sleeve.
Mark Lawrenson: His shirt?
My soul was left on that pitch, and I think I need a few people to carry me off because I was literally dead. - Ivan Rakitic, Croatia midfielder, after their last-gasp exit against Spain.
Holland started as if they meant to go on. - Lee Dixon.
Why didn't Robben just pull the trigger and shoot himself? - Martin Keown.
It's time we let go of these pathetic egos. We don't need a psychologist with the Dutch team, we are grown-up men. The ones who have a problem with other players or the manager should tell them face to face. That's the only psychology we need. We have to stop living on little islands. - Wesley Sneijder, Netherlands midfielder, after three defeats.
You're looking for shit. You're looking for trouble. Fuck you. - Samir Nasri to reporters after France's loss to Spain.
These players, from some of the biggest clubs in Europe, have distinguished themselves by a lack of humility, an immaturity and an inability to represent their country and millions of supporters. - Joel Muller, head of the French coaches' association.
Roy Hodgson is an Italian Englishman. - Roberto Mancini before the Italy v England quarter-final.
As usual they are going through a familiar sequence of events in England. They all expected a first-round elimination, but now they're through to the next round they're already talking about a semi-final against Germany, as if Italy were Luxembourg. - Gabriele Marcotti, London correspondent of Il Corriere dello Sport.
I don't watch penalties in my hotel room. I watch naughty videos. - Gianluigi Buffon, Italy goalkeeper, 24 hours before the England shoot-out.
I'm disappointed. You might find this hard to understand but I do feel more for England in football. And I care a lot about Andy Carroll. He's a very good-looking man.- Nancy Dell'Olio, Italian former partner of Sven Goran Eriksson.
Every now and then, when I tried to explain tactics, things didn't work out. Maybe it's because Rooney doesn't speak English. He doesn't understand English. I think Rooney only understands Scottish. That's because he only plays well in Manchester, where Sir Alex Ferguson speaks Scottish. - Fabio Capello.
A boy from Croxteth should not use hair product. - Jamie Carragher on the Rooney "rug".
Guy Mowbray (as camera finds tearful German): Poor girl.
Mark Lawrenson: She might be rich.
BBC Commentator: Germany won it in 96, then went out in the group stages in 2000 and 2004 before being runners-up in 2008.
Mark Bright: That's Germany for you, always there or thereabouts
I don't give a shit who wins it now. I'm going on holiday. - Zlatan Ibrahimovic, Sweden striker.
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