Robin Scott-Elliot: How do you feel about post-match interviews? Me neither

View From The Sofa: FA Cup, ITV1/Champions League, Sky Sports

A shirt and tie covered with a tracksuit top, as modelled by Wayne Rooney at Wembley on Saturday, is the look of a PE teacher at school assembly. Rooney, though with his Bash Street features, will never convince as a teacher; instead perhaps he better resembled a teenager anxiously waiting for a job interview as a lifeguard at Everton Park leisure centre (pre-cuts, of course).

But then again no leisure-centre lifeguard worth his rubber ring would display as much attentiveness to what was going on in front of him as Rooney did on Saturday. It is why it is impossible, if you focus just on football, to dislike Rooney. He has what his boss, sitting uncomfortably in the stands with his earpiece making him resemble a minicab driver with an itch, has had for decades: an unquenchable thirst for the game.

Where Alex Ferguson gets home and rearranges the pepper and salt to illustrate to Mrs F why the referee was wrong, no doubt Rooney drags Mrs R into the garden and makes her play a game of headers and volleys long into the night. Both were peripheral figures in Saturday's game because of their passion.

Rooney was confined to the bench because of what he said to a camera on the other side of London, but I suspect his words may prove the most enlightening uttered by a footballer on, or in the vicinity of, a pitch this season. They certainly were this week.

The immediate post-match interview, with sweat furrowing brows, or steam rising in the case of Carlton Cole, as the player tries to recover his breath in between describing how he feels, remains one of the most pointless features in the game. Unless interviewees swear – hello Micah Richards and Bryony Shaw – and leave the broadcaster to issue a grovelling apology, they add nothing. It is not easy for the interviewer; ask how they feel or how they scored the goal and the banality is answered in kind. Joe Hart was "over the moon" on Saturday, which may have been a cute reference to the City anthem. Or not.

If instead the interviewer tries for something more insightful about Antonio Valencia's performance affecting the dollarisation of central America, the result is dead air and that for modern-day broadcasters is about as welcome as Mario Balotelli at the Ferdinands' Easter egg hunt.

"They needed to score but we just knew that we needed to try and score to put the pressure off us because obviously if they scored the away goal came into play and so we needed to score and that's what we did." So Ryan Giggs offered his insight into United's Champions League victory over Chelsea moments after he stepped off the pitch. Upstairs Graeme Souness, increasingly the daddy of pundits, offered a rather more considered dissection. He had had a better overview of the match, and he wasn't knackered either.

Sitting alongside Souness, Ray Wilkins, the peculiar uncle of pundits, rather ruins the line of argument with his ramblings (on Monday night he volunteered the thought that if a player misses the goal with a shot it is better to miss high and wide so his team-mates have longer to get back into position), but still game after game passes with post-match interviews full of sound but signifying nothing. If only there was more fury.

Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Caption competition
Caption competition
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?

Bleacher Report

Daily Quiz
SPONSORED FEATURES
Independent Dating
and  

By clicking 'Search' you
are agreeing to our
Terms of Use.

Day In a Page

Migrant crisis: UN official Philippe Douste-Blazy reveals the harrowing sights he encountered among refugees arriving on Lampedusa

‘Can we really just turn away?’

Dead bodies, men drowning, women miscarrying – a senior UN figure on the horrors he has witnessed among migrants arriving on Lampedusa, and urges politicians not to underestimate our caring nature
Nine of Syria and Iraq's 10 world heritage sites are in danger as Isis ravages centuries of history

Nine of Syria and Iraq's 10 world heritage sites are in danger...

... and not just because of Isis vandalism
Girl on a Plane: An exclusive extract of the novelisation inspired by the 1970 Palestinian fighters hijack

Girl on a Plane

An exclusive extract of the novelisation inspired by the 1970 Palestinian fighters hijack
Why Frederick Forsyth's spying days could spell disaster for today's journalists

Why Frederick Forsyth's spying days could spell disaster for today's journalists

The author of 'The Day of the Jackal' has revealed he spied for MI6 while a foreign correspondent
Markus Persson: If being that rich is so bad, why not just give it all away?

That's a bit rich

The billionaire inventor of computer game Minecraft says he is bored, lonely and isolated by his vast wealth. If it’s that bad, says Simon Kelner, why not just give it all away?
Euro 2016: Chris Coleman on course to end half a century of hurt for Wales

Coleman on course to end half a century of hurt for Wales

Wales last qualified for major tournament in 1958 but after several near misses the current crop can book place at Euro 2016 and end all the indifference
Rugby World Cup 2015: The tournament's forgotten XV

Forgotten XV of the rugby World Cup

Now the squads are out, Chris Hewett picks a side of stars who missed the cut
A groundbreaking study of 'Britain's Atlantis' long buried at the bottom of the North Sea could revolutionise how we see our prehistoric past

Britain's Atlantis

Scientific study beneath North Sea could revolutionise how we see the past
The Queen has 'done and said nothing that anybody will remember,' says Starkey

The Queen has 'done and said nothing that anybody will remember'

David Starkey's assessment
Oliver Sacks said his life has been 'an enormous privilege and adventure'

'An enormous privilege and adventure'

Oliver Sacks writing about his life
'Gibraltar is British, and it is going to stay British forever'

'Gibraltar is British, and it is going to stay British forever'

The Rock's Chief Minister hits back at Spanish government's 'lies'
Britain is still addicted to 'dirty coal'

Britain still addicted to 'dirty' coal

Biggest energy suppliers are more dependent on fossil fuel than a decade ago
Orthorexia nervosa: How becoming obsessed with healthy eating can lead to malnutrition

Orthorexia nervosa

How becoming obsessed with healthy eating can lead to malnutrition
Lady Chatterley is not obscene, says TV director

Lady Chatterley’s Lover

Director Jed Mercurio on why DH Lawrence's novel 'is not an obscene story'
Farmers in tropical forests are training ants to kill off bigger pests

Set a pest to catch a pest

Farmers in tropical forests are training ants to kill off bigger pests