Sam Wallace: Fergie's brain, McClaren's bungle and Wenger talking ballistics...

Player of the year: Jamie Carragher. You can keep your step-over merchants and 20-goal-a-season midfielders. This bloke never seems to have a bad game.

Manager of the year: Sir Alex Ferguson. Who else? What price he will still be in charge at Manchester United come the start of the 2107-08 season, his brain preserved in a glass tank and wired up to a computer? And he would still be the first one in the training ground in the morning.

Goal of the season: Paul Scholes against Aston Villa, 23 December. An outrageous volley from 40 yards, hit first time from a clearance from a corner. Thankfully, he didn't have to tackle anyone to win possession.

Match of the season West Ham United 3-4 Tottenham Hotspur, 2 March. Where to start? The Hammers were 2-0 and 3-2 up, Carlos Tevez scored his first goal for the club and jumped into the crowd and then they threw it all away in injury time. And this thriller was decided by a goal from Paul Stalteri, the Canadian full-back who, in Martin Jol's words, had "never made a run forward like that before in his life".

For the most unjustified complaint of the season The Croatian FA complaining about the representation of their supporters in English newspapers as far-right lunatics. This after Croatian fans had formed a "human swastika" on a terrace in Italy. So what was that then? An unhappy coincidence in the queue for the gents?

For the best chant of the season: From West Ham fans expressing their displeasure at the performances of Nigel Reo-Coker, amid suggestions that the player rated himself rather more highly. To the tune of "Let's conga " - "Oo, oo, oo, Nigel Mediocre".

For a fair point made in a post-match interview: This one came after the touchline shoving match between Wally Downes of Reading and Neil Warnock during the game against Sheffield United on 20 January. Steve Coppell was asked what Warnock had done to provoke Downes.

Coppell: "It was an unpleasant gesture."

Radio 5: "What was the gesture?"

Coppell: "This is radio - what do you want me to do?"

For the most original idea for a football book: Joey Barton gives an abbreviated view of the England players' autobiographies. "We got beat in the quarter- finals. I played like shit. Here's my book."

For the most surreal meeting: Chelsea met a group of people even more unpopular than themselves when they visited the House of Commons in January. Unedifying scenes as backbench MPs rushed to be associated with famous footballers and get autographs. All in a good cause though: Chelsea's charity Right to Play.

For the latest great sight in English football: Walk north up Benwell Road, N7, from the Highbury and Islington station end and slowly, from behind the Georgian houses on your right, emerges the magnificent Emirates Stadium. A fabulous new urban stadium that proved they don't all have to be built miles from anywhere with an Asda next door.

For the best goal outside the Premiership: Lionel Messi may think he had this one sewn up with that goal for Barcelona against Getafe but he obviously didn't see David Nugent's goal for Preston North End against Crystal Palace in the FA Cup fourth round. From starting in his own half Nugent beat two players, went down the left, beat another two, cut into the box, beat another one, stopped to have a flick through the match-day programme, asked a bloke in the crowd what the latest scores were, and then slipped it past Scott Flinders. Maybe not a completely accurate description but, unforgivably, this goal never gets replayed on telly.

For the best prospect outside the Premiership: Check out the latest Brazilian wonder kid Kerlon, whose best moments are now on YouTube. This boy is unbelievable. His signature trick is flicking the ball on to his own head and keeping it bouncing on his forehead while he runs past defenders. Needless to say, he gets fouled a lot. Makes Cristiano Ronaldo look like Denis Irwin.

For giving us the real bull: "Now for the real bull". Who could have thought that a harmless phrase could cause so much trouble for Steve McClaren after February's defeat to Spain. As he innocently explained much later it was a simple football term, ie "That was the pre-season friendlies, now for the real bull". The trouble was, it sounded at the time like, "Now for the rainbow". And before you could say " Up above the streets and houses", the morning's tabloids were full of pictures of the beleaguered England manager with Geoffrey, Bungle and Zippy.

For the season's best new entry into the football lexicon: " Footballistically", courtesy of Arsène Wenger. Only he knows.

For the best post-match goal celebration: The FA Cup fifth round, Watford v Ipswich. When Danny Haynes scored for Ipswich, he and Jaime Peters got straight to work: hip swaying, finger twirling - the goal celebration they had clearly been waiting to do all season. Trouble was, they were about 20 seconds into the dance when they realised the goal had been disallowed and the match was continuing without them.

For the bravest failed interview attempt of the season: The Seville manager, Juande Ramos, is dramatically knocked unconscious by a bottle during the Copa del Rey match against city rivals Real Betis. Watch the replays as Ramos is carried away, completely spark out. The local radio man hopefully thrusts a microphone into his unconscious face. "Any injuries, gaffer?"

For putting it all into perspective: Stuart Pearce on Manchester City's 1-0 defeat to Chelsea in March. "There is an old saying that if you play against any of the top four, you can have your arse felt - and we didn't have our arse felt today."