Fishing Lines: Lobster lovers are feeling the pinch

The Lobster Liberation Front are claiming a small victory in their battle to win council housing and full pension entitlements for crustaceans. Whole Foods, an American supermarket chain, have stopped selling lobsters because they want "to sup- port who they are as a creature".

It will probably not surprise you to know that those barmpots from People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals have been wheeling away behind the scenes. A spokesman claimed: "Scientists say there is no dispute that lobsters have brains and feel pain like other animals." Peta-backed scientists, that is.

It hasn't been a good week for those trying to eat four portions of seafood a week. Eating lots of oily fish (tuna, mackerel, trout, salmon) lowers the risk of heart disease, makes you hugely attractive to women and gets you cheap fares on buses. But it's getting ever harder to catch. This hot weather is hell for trout fishing. If you hook a salmon, it's probably got to be returned to preserve dwindling stocks. You can eat that farmed stuff, but it's dyed and fed on pellets to bump up its weight. When you cook farmed salmon, those white bits are fat. Thought you'd like to know.

Meanwhile, unscrupulous trawlers are illegally plundering the last remaining breeding grounds of bluefin tuna in the Mediterranean, according to the Worldwide Fund for Nature. Soaring demand, especially from sushi bars, is causing the problem.

And now I suppose we will face pressure for a Crustacean Council to oversee lobster rights. To help you make an informed decision on the issue of whether they feel pain as we know it, I'm going to tell you how to catch lobsters and crabs on a fishing rod.

First, choose a suitable spot. Dover's Admiralty Pier and Newhaven Breakwater are good locations. Second, don't fish for them with traditional methods. I spent hours once getting bite after bite and not hooking a thing. I worked out that as my bait trundled above the seabed, dozens of crabs stood on top of one another, rather like those tumblers you see at a circus, trying to grab it. As the highest one reached for the bait, the pyramid collapsed. My float zoomed under, but the topmost crab let go as he fell. Bet they had a good laugh at my puzzlement.

Anyway, back to catching them. Equip your reel with 200 yards of line, and cast as far as you can. Do not set the brake to stop overruns. On the contrary. With any luck, your reel will spin wildly, creating a nightmare tangle. Take this and tie it around your bait (a chunk of squid or fresh mackerel is recommended). Put some more line on your reel and cast into lobster or crab country.

What happens is that as the crustaceans try to snaffle your bait, their legs get tangled in the line. When you wind in, you'll find you have snared them without causing any damage. Environmentally friendly fishing.

Here comes the tricky part. Is it just one step down from man, or dumb as a Big Brother contestant? Don't let the fact that it will taste delicious influence you.

Now you have to make a serious decision: whether to cook it Thermidor, Newburg or Fra Diavolo.

Arts and Entertainment
books
Voices
Caustic she may be, but Joan Rivers is a feminist hero, whether she likes it or not
voicesShe's an inspiration, whether she likes it or not, says Ellen E Jones
Arts and Entertainment
The Doctor and the Dalek meet
tvReview: Doctor Who Into the Dalek more than compensated for last week's nonsensical offering
Sport
Diego Costa
footballEverton 3 Chelsea 6: Diego Costa double has manager purring
PROMOTED VIDEO
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Life and Style
3D printed bump keys can access almost any lock
techSoftware needs photo of lock and not much more
Arts and Entertainment
The 'three chords and the truth gal' performing at the Cornbury Music Festival, Oxford, earlier this summer
music... so how did she become country music's hottest new star?
Life and Style
The spy mistress-general: A lecturer in nutritional therapy in her modern life, Heather Rosa favours a Byzantine look topped off with a squid and a schooner
fashionEurope's biggest steampunk convention heads to Lincoln
News
Dr Alice Roberts in front of a
peopleAlice Roberts talks about her new book on evolution - and why her early TV work drew flak from (mostly male) colleagues
News
i100
Arts and Entertainment
Star turns: Montacute House
tv
News
i100Steve Carell selling chicken, Tina Fey selling saving accounts and Steve Colbert selling, um...
Arts and Entertainment
Unsettling perspective: Iraq gave Turner a subject and a voice (stock photo)
booksBrian Turner's new book goes back to the bloody battles he fought in Iraq
News
The Digicub app, for young fans
advertisingNSPCC 'extremely concerned'
News
i100
Arts and Entertainment
Some of the key words and phrases to remember
booksA user's guide to weasel words
Caption competition
Caption competition
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Daily Quiz
Independent Dating
and  

By clicking 'Search' you
are agreeing to our
Terms of Use.

Career Services
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Senior Data Scientist (Data Mining, RSPSS, R, AI, CPLEX, SQL)

£60000 - £70000 per annum + Benefits + Bonus: Harrington Starr: Senior Data Sc...

Law Costs

Highly Attractive Salary: Austen Lloyd: BRISTOL - This is a very unusual law c...

Junior VB.NET Application Developer (ASP.NET, SQL, Graduate)

£28000 - £30000 per annum + Benefits + Bonus: Harrington Starr: Junior VB.NET ...

C# .NET Web Developer (ASP.NET, JavaScript, jQuery, XML, XLST)

£40000 - £50000 per annum + Benefits + Bonus: Harrington Starr: C# .NET Web De...

Day In a Page

The other Mugabe who is lining up for the Zimbabwean presidency

The other Mugabe who is lining up for the Zimbabwean presidency

Wife of President Robert Mugabe appears to have her sights set on succeeding her husband
The model of a gadget launch: Cultivate an atmosphere of mystery and excitement to sell stuff people didn't realise they needed

The model for a gadget launch

Cultivate an atmosphere of mystery and excitement to sell stuff people didn't realise they needed
Alice Roberts: She's done pretty well, for a boffin without a beard

She's done pretty well, for a boffin without a beard

Alice Roberts talks about her new book on evolution - and why her early TV work drew flak from (mostly male) colleagues
Get well soon, Joan Rivers - an inspiration, whether she likes it or not

Get well soon, Joan Rivers

She is awful. But she's also wonderful, not in spite of but because of the fact she's forever saying appalling things, argues Ellen E Jones
Doctor Who Into the Dalek review: A classic sci-fi adventure with all the spectacle of a blockbuster

A fresh take on an old foe

Doctor Who Into the Dalek more than compensated for last week's nonsensical offering
Fashion walks away from the celebrity runway show

Fashion walks away from the celebrity runway show

As the collections start, fashion editor Alexander Fury finds video and the internet are proving more attractive
Meet the stars of TV's Wolf Hall... and it's not the cast of the Tudor trilogy

Meet the stars of TV's Wolf Hall...

... and it's not the cast of the Tudor trilogy
Weekend at the Asylum: Europe's biggest steampunk convention heads to Lincoln

Europe's biggest steampunk convention

Jake Wallis Simons discovers how Victorian ray guns and the martial art of biscuit dunking are precisely what the 21st century needs
Don't swallow the tripe – a user's guide to weasel words

Don't swallow the tripe – a user's guide to weasel words

Lying is dangerous and unnecessary. A new book explains the strategies needed to avoid it. John Rentoul on the art of 'uncommunication'
Daddy, who was Richard Attenborough? Was the beloved thespian the last of the cross-generation stars?

Daddy, who was Richard Attenborough?

The atomisation of culture means that few of those we regard as stars are universally loved any more, says DJ Taylor
She's dark, sarcastic, and bashes life in Nowheresville ... so how did Kacey Musgraves become country music's hottest new star?

Kacey Musgraves: Nashville's hottest new star

The singer has two Grammys for her first album under her belt and her celebrity fans include Willie Nelson, Ryan Adams and Katy Perry
American soldier-poet Brian Turner reveals the enduring turmoil that inspired his memoir

Soldier-poet Brian Turner on his new memoir

James Kidd meets the prize-winning writer, whose new memoir takes him back to the bloody battles he fought in Iraq
Aston Villa vs Hull match preview: Villa were not surprised that Ron Vlaar was a World Cup star

Villa were not surprised that Vlaar was a World Cup star

Andi Weimann reveals just how good his Dutch teammate really is
Bill Granger recipes: Our chef ekes out his holiday in Italy with divine, simple salads

Bill Granger's simple Italian salads

Our chef presents his own version of Italian dishes, taking in the flavours and produce that inspired him while he was in the country
The Last Word: Tumbleweed through deserted stands and suites at Wembley

The Last Word: Tumbleweed through deserted stands and suites at Wembley

If supporters begin to close bank accounts, switch broadband suppliers or shun satellite sales, their voices will be heard. It’s time for revolution