Fishing Lines: Putin's barelyan angler – you can put your shirt on it

This is probably an extremely good way to find myself unwittingly eating a polonium-210 sandwich. But in the interests of fearless journalism,I feel readers have the right to know that Vladimir Putin doesn't have a clue about fishing.

Wait a minute, I hear you say. Newspapers and televisioncarried pictures of him lastweek posing bare-chested with a fishing rod, looking very manly. And wasn't he the only one to catch a fish when hewent after striped bass with George Bush off Kennebunkport last month?

Are you really saying that the Russian president (a man who, incidentally, doubtless monitors the press extremely closely) can't tell a burbot from a turbot? Dead right (though that might prove an unfortunate choiceof phrase).

Well, he certainly outfished Bush and his cronies off Maine, though one suspects that's not too hard. Back in 1989, George Bush's father, then the US president, spent 17 days fishing for bluefish off Kennebunkport without catching a thing.

Dozens of press boats followed him daily. His grandchildren made up signs saying: "Grampy, you can do it!" Even the White House official photographer caught two onthe same trip.

But poor old George, despite wearing a cap that read USS Bluefish, had to wait until the final day of his holiday before he caught a thing. Is it any wonder that his son did no better?

Last week Putin took Monaco's Prince Albert II, a member of the International Olympic Committee, to the Tuva region of Siberia as a thank you for supporting Russia's successful bid for the 2014 Winter Olympics.

They were fishing the Yenisei River, the fifth longest in the world at 3,445 miles. It is one of the few rivers to hold taimen, the largest member of the salmon family, found only in Siberia and Mongolia.

It's said they grow to over 200lb, though the official record, which was caught from theKeta River in the Khabarovsk region of Russia, weighed 92lb. There is, however, an unofficial record of 63kg (138lb) fromthe Yenisei.

I don't know if The Lion and Albert were after taimen. They certainly didn't catch any. By all accounts the Russian president landed several Manchurian trout, but the press seemed more interested in his outfit: desert boots, green khaki trousers, KGB-issue shades – and no shirt.

Small wonder that the Russian girl band Singing Together released a hit single in 2002 with the lyrics: "I want a man who doesn't drink, doesn't smoke and doesn't beat me. I want a man like Putin."

What interested me, though, was that he went topless at all. Nowhere comes near Siberiafor mosquitoes. It is said to be the national bird. Most anglers who fish there cover every available bit of skin. If you don't, you can end up looking like the Elephant Man.

Of even more interest isthe way Putin is holding his fishing rod. It's what beginners and people who "fish" inadverts do. But it's like holdinga tennis racket by the strings. Any fule kno that no regular angler would grasp a rod bythe very end.