Fishing Lines: No flies on us but maggots worm their way off the plane
Sunday 17 February 2008
Turns out that twice as many people as I thought can't tell the difference between worms and maggots. The first one I met was a German official at Nienburg airport, and I won't forget that incident in a hurry. It all came about when we were invited to fish a competition on the Weser against the German national team and the Army's best anglers.
We took along gallons of red maggots to tempt fish from the fast-flowing river, and were pretty confident because our team included a ringer, Ivan Marks, one of the top UK anglers. At the time, Ivan ran a tackle shop in Leicester and he had organised all the bait. We left it to him to seal it and ensure it went safely in the hold. Bad move.
Fog at our destination airport meant we had to land elsewhere and the two-hour flight turned into a seven-hour one. We weren't allowed into the terminal to wait around, for some reason, so sat on the wrong runway for hours, waiting for the fog to lift.
We became very bored. To pass the time, I made a set of playing cards from my notebook, and we gambled for matchsticks. It's not easy to deal sheets of paper, and I dropped one of the "cards". Bending to pick it up, I noticed a maggot crawling across the floor. Funny, I thought. Looking more closely, I realised dozens of them were exploring the plane's interior. "Bad news, guys," I said. "The maggots have escaped."
Amazingly, none of the other passengers noticed. But when we eventually reached our destination and disembarked, the horror of the Great Escape was revealed. A fierce, unsmiling woman stomped over to us as we waited in the baggage hall. "Are you the fisher people?" she demanded. We confessed we were. "Your little animals have escaped. All those little worms are inside the plane."
Fortunately, we were not ordered to capture them all. That would have been some task. I guess we had transported about 140,000 maggots, working on around 7,000 of them to a gallon. Ivan was more worried that we would not have enough bait for the competition. I could only think about passengers who used that plane in the future, puzzling at the abundance of flies at 32,000 feet.
Still, it turns out that Rosa Klebb was not the only one who couldn't identify a maggot.This week, two poachers walked free at Paisley Sheriff Court because the policeman who came to arrest them had noidea about fishing.
Sheriff Neil Douglas, finding the charge against the duo not proven, said: "It seems very strange that you should send out someone to investigate a matter such as this, who hasn't the first idea what they are looking for."
The policeman had told the court that they were dressed as fishermen and sitting on stools. But he had no idea that salmon anglers, especially in Scotland, are rarely allowed to use bait, and certainly do not sit on stools. Asked what kind of hooks were being used, he said they "seemed quite dangerous".
The Castle Angling Club, which leases the stretch of the Black Cart river at Kilbarchan, Renfrewshire, for £1,000 a year for salmon fishing, was understandably miffed by PC Plod's bungling. He may find an inordinate number of flies buzzing round his house in a few weeks.
Latest in Sport
Frank Lampard was RIGHT not to celebrate Manchester City's equaliser against Chelsea
All Blacks Aaron Cruden misses New Zealand flight after drinking session, has brilliant excuse
WWE Raw results: Dean Ambrose and John Cena hunt down Seth Rollins but The Authority stand firmly in their way
Colombian women's cycling team kit that makes wearer appear naked is branded 'unacceptable' by UCI president
Five reasons why Louis van Gaal is a worse Manchester United manager than David Moyes
- 1 Cyclist in Russia narrowly misses being hit by car and lorry
- 2 'F*ck it, I quit': KTVA reporter Charlo Greene quits live on air in spectacular fashion
- 3 What are your fingerprint words?
- 5 Pink Floyd new album: Band unveil cover art for first record in 20 years
Scotland could still declare independence – even without referendum, says Alex Salmond
Scottish referendum results: Cross-party consensus collapses amid Tory-Labour spat on the 'English question'
Hilary Mantel 'should be investigated by police' over Margaret Thatcher assassination story, says Lord Bell
Plebgate MP Andrew Mitchell called officer a 'little s**t', claim court documents 'exposing ex-Chief Whip's 'record of abusing police'
Archbishop of Canterbury admits doubts about existence of God
Labour Party conference: Ed Balls to set out plan to freeze child benefit to balance books
£16500 - £20000 Per Annum: Clearwater People Solutions Ltd: We are currently r...
£100 - £125 per day: Randstad Education Crawley: KS2 PPA Teacher currently nee...
£40000 - £45000 per annum + pension, healthcare,25 days: Ashdown Group: An est...
£28000 per annum: Ashdown Group: IT Software Application Support Analyst - Imm...