It's a big weekend for...
Not so long ago young Lewis was champion, the world was at his feet and Fernando Alonso in his rear-view mirror. Dreams of emulating Herr Schumacher's achievements seemed possible. But the worm has turned, Hamilton's chances of a second title are slim to none while Alonso's of a third are extremely good. If the Spaniard wins in Sao Paulo tomorrow and Red Bull's Mark Webber does no better than fourth it's fiesta time. Remember Lewis, this was the hombre who at McLaren threatened to reveal all about Spygate to gain No 1 driver status. You can still emulate Schumacher – take him out on the first corner.
It never rains but it pours...
It's a familiar message to pop up in your in-box. "Hi, I have $1bn locked in my bank account in Nigeria and need your help..." Whether one appeared at the Wembley HQ of England's World Cup bid or in Moscow this column has no idea (as usual), but either camp could have been excused a welcome giggle this week in what has become a bitter battle to host the 2018 tournament when Amos Adamu, one of the two Fifa Ex-co members currently suspended amid allegations of corruption, had to send out the following message after his account was hacked into: "Anyone asking for money on my behalf is lying. Please do not send money to anyone."
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God is a football fan
A creative (as you'd expect) midfielder in His day, God had a great understanding with Noah but they drifted away from the game after matches kept being called off (waterlogged pitch). He did play enough to understand that the dark arts – shirt-pulling, diving et al – are an inevitable consequence of the professional era, but He still likes to see the game played the right way, so there will be no blasphemy on His watch. That's why He sent word to the Vatican that the Sampdoria forward Nicola Pozzo must serve a one-match ban for uttering "porco Dio" (fat God) in the changing room before kick-off last weekend. A lesson learnt – you won't see this column taking God's name in vain.