Outside Edge (14/02/10)

You wait for ages for a good Super Bowl/scrotum story, then two come along in swift succession. After last week's non-exclusive about the fan so keen to attend last Sunday's game that he advertised online to swap his left testicle for "two together" tickets comes eye-watering news of a post-Super Bowl punch-up in Florida. In the small hours of Monday morning, Y Le had an altercation with a party guest. It ended with Le grabbing his guest's gonads, "puncturing them with his fingers", according to the police report. The victim needed 52 stitches, but his tackle is apparently on the mend. Which is just as well; no replacements currently seem to be offered on the internet.

23

The size of Benin's football squad, who have been sacked en bloc, along with the five-man coaching staff, following their group-stage exit in the African Cup of Nations. Their nickname is The Squirrels. They're going nuts.

Points of view of the week

Only a cynic would suggest that Jochen Noeske, the organiser of Festival of Boobs, "one of Europe's premier topless sledging tournaments" (one of?), has timed the first leg, or chest, to cash in on the Winter Olympics publicity. But his chosen venue, Oberwiesenthal in Germany, seems strangely underwhelmed by the prospect. "The vast majority of residents oppose the idea," harrumphs the mayor, Mirko Ernst. "The good reputation of our town would suffer." Undaunted, Noeske ripostes: "If they ban us, we'll take the competition over the border to the Czech Republic." Just make sure you're invited this time, folks – those Czechs have long memories.

Good week for

Drew Brees, the New Orleans Saints quarterback, named Most Valuable Player after leading the team to Super Bowl victory... Bradley Wiggins, led Britain's cycling Team Sky to a win in the opening time-trial of the Tour of Qatar... and Amy Fearn, became the first woman to referee a League game after taking over Coventry v Nottingham Forest after the original referee was injured.

Bad week for

Nicky Hayden, MotoGP rider ruined his team Ducati's new-bike launch by posting advance pictures of it on his website... Kieren Kelly and Jamie Stevenson, British shot putters suspended for refusing to take out-of-competition drugs tests... and Chris Atkinson, a Manchester City fan who had Robinho's name tattooed on his chest just before the Brazilian left the club go back home.

Mucky story of the week

There have been the usual concerns about whether everything will be ready in time for the big kick-off in June, but the organisers are quietly confident they are on schedule. So the 200 or so teams competing for the Swamp Soccer World Cup on the 26 and 27 June in Strachur, Scotland, can look forward to a gloriously mucky time, though slick interpassing will probably be at a premium as sides such as Cowdungbeath, Swampdoria, Sporting Abeergut and Real Mudrid battle it out for the ultimate prize. If England get knocked out at the group stage in that other event in South Africa they would have just enough time get back and enter; certainly their name would be mud.

a.tong@independent.co.uk

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