Outside Edge (15/11/09)
Sunday 15 November 2009
Unbridled unpleasantness in sleepy Chiddingfold, Surrey, after a former international showjumper ran over a cyclist in his car on a country lane because he was hogging the road. Christopher Robertson, whose parents own a stud farm, was jailed for 33 months for hitting Leslie Smith, 66, and driving off. He cleaned his car, replacing a damaged number plate, and told a stable lad to tear down the police notices seeking witnesses. Robertson's mother Sue gave evidence for the prosecution, saying her son was "quite a bully". Robertson then tried to discredit the stable lad as a witness, claiming he was seeking revenge after his gay advances towards Robertson were rejected. What a stud.
Number of (unused) athletes' condoms left over from the Beijing Games to be auctioned in China. The packets read "Faster, higher, stronger" but there are no guarantees. You have to buy all of them. That would be an Olympian effort.
Spheres of influence of the week
A load of balls from the Danish Golf Association, who say that lost golf balls pose an environmental hazard, taking up to 1,000 years to decompose and releasing poisonous heavy metals. Hundreds of thousands of balls were found in Loch Ness when divers went looking for the Monster – no wonder he's nowhere to be seen. Jane Blaik of Princes Risborough, Bucks, has called on her local club, Whiteleaf, to rearrange its course after a stray ball killed one of her sheep, the inappropriately named Lucky. But revenge is at hand. A beaver escaped from the Paradise Wildlife Park in Broxbourne and knawed through a birch tree overlooking one of the greens at The Hertfordshire. It's a dam nuisance.
Good week for
Sinead and John Kerr, came second in the NHK Trophy in Japan, Britain's highest-ever placing in a grand prix ice-skating event... Sir Nick Faldo received knighthood from the Queen... and British mothers will receive £10m of Government funding to pay for childcare while they take part in sport.
Bad week for
Elizabeth Lambert, New Mexico Lobos centre-half banned indefinitely after film of her fouls against Brigham Young University became a massive internet hit... Dyrberg/Kern, Danish jewellers apologised to Manchester United after a press release for their range of club crest accessories seemed to encourage hooliganism... and Guiseppe Trimboli, vice-president of San Luca FC banned for a year after players wore black armbands to mark death of a local Mafia godfather.
Monkey nuts of the week
A Brazilian nutter has been impersonating the country's President Lula on African radio stations, describing Rio de Janeiro's plans for security at the 2016 Olympics. "Any part of the city where there is a problem will always have a monkey looking down from a tree," he told listeners amid a backdrop of gunfire. You'd have thought he would have been rumbled when he added they were building a pink, bulletproof motorway and using Israeli air force drones. Oh, the last part is true. He should take part in Thursday's World's Biggest Liar competition at Wasdale in the Lake District. Except that the World's Greatest Liar event is held on the same day in Nottingham. So which is the real one?
Latest in Sport
Arsene Wenger 18th anniversary at Arsenal: His WORST signings XI during his time with the Gunners
18 things Wenger has still never done at Arsenal
Arsene Wenger's worst signings XI
Colombian women's cycling team kit that makes wearer appear naked is branded 'unacceptable' by UCI president
Nani: On loan Sporting Lisbon winger admits he may not return to Manchester United
- 1 Snoop Dogg and Jared Leto buy a stake in Reddit as A-list invests $50m
- 2 Prince held a Facebook Q&A and this is the only question he answered...
- 3 'F*ck it, I quit': KTVA reporter Charlo Greene quits live on air in spectacular fashion
- 4 35,000 walrus gather ashore on north-west Alaska beach 'for a rest'
- 5 A teacher speaks out: 'I'm effectively being forced out of a career that I wanted to love'
Exclusive: 'Putin's Russia has been my biggest regret,' says Nato's outgoing Secretary General
The Osborne Ultimatum: Chancellor’s benefits freeze bombshell will affect ten million households
There’s no excuse for Dave Lee Travis’s behaviour, but we need to keep a sense of proportion
Should gay sex be illegal? 16% of Britons think so
Mark Reckless becomes second Tory MP to defect to Ukip in a month
Benefits 'smart cards' plan revealed by Iain Duncan Smith to stop claimants spending welfare money on alcohol
£20000 - £45000 per annum + uncapped: SThree: Key featuresA highly motivated ...
£18000 - £23000 per annum + OTE: SThree: SThree are seeking Trainee Recruitmen...
Competitive Salary: Randstad Education Group: We have an urgent requirement fo...
Competitive Salary: Randstad Education Group: Randstad Education urgently seek...