Outside Edge (15/11/09)

Unbridled unpleasantness in sleepy Chiddingfold, Surrey, after a former international showjumper ran over a cyclist in his car on a country lane because he was hogging the road. Christopher Robertson, whose parents own a stud farm, was jailed for 33 months for hitting Leslie Smith, 66, and driving off. He cleaned his car, replacing a damaged number plate, and told a stable lad to tear down the police notices seeking witnesses. Robertson's mother Sue gave evidence for the prosecution, saying her son was "quite a bully". Robertson then tried to discredit the stable lad as a witness, claiming he was seeking revenge after his gay advances towards Robertson were rejected. What a stud.

5,000

Number of (unused) athletes' condoms left over from the Beijing Games to be auctioned in China. The packets read "Faster, higher, stronger" but there are no guarantees. You have to buy all of them. That would be an Olympian effort.

Spheres of influence of the week

A load of balls from the Danish Golf Association, who say that lost golf balls pose an environmental hazard, taking up to 1,000 years to decompose and releasing poisonous heavy metals. Hundreds of thousands of balls were found in Loch Ness when divers went looking for the Monster – no wonder he's nowhere to be seen. Jane Blaik of Princes Risborough, Bucks, has called on her local club, Whiteleaf, to rearrange its course after a stray ball killed one of her sheep, the inappropriately named Lucky. But revenge is at hand. A beaver escaped from the Paradise Wildlife Park in Broxbourne and knawed through a birch tree overlooking one of the greens at The Hertfordshire. It's a dam nuisance.

Good week for

Sinead and John Kerr, came second in the NHK Trophy in Japan, Britain's highest-ever placing in a grand prix ice-skating event... Sir Nick Faldo received knighthood from the Queen... and British mothers will receive £10m of Government funding to pay for childcare while they take part in sport.

Bad week for

Elizabeth Lambert, New Mexico Lobos centre-half banned indefinitely after film of her fouls against Brigham Young University became a massive internet hit... Dyrberg/Kern, Danish jewellers apologised to Manchester United after a press release for their range of club crest accessories seemed to encourage hooliganism... and Guiseppe Trimboli, vice-president of San Luca FC banned for a year after players wore black armbands to mark death of a local Mafia godfather.

Monkey nuts of the week

A Brazilian nutter has been impersonating the country's President Lula on African radio stations, describing Rio de Janeiro's plans for security at the 2016 Olympics. "Any part of the city where there is a problem will always have a monkey looking down from a tree," he told listeners amid a backdrop of gunfire. You'd have thought he would have been rumbled when he added they were building a pink, bulletproof motorway and using Israeli air force drones. Oh, the last part is true. He should take part in Thursday's World's Biggest Liar competition at Wasdale in the Lake District. Except that the World's Greatest Liar event is held on the same day in Nottingham. So which is the real one?

a.tong@independent.co.uk

PROMOTED VIDEO
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Caption competition
Caption competition
Latest stories from i100
Daily Quiz
Independent Dating
and  

By clicking 'Search' you
are agreeing to our
Terms of Use.

Career Services
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Recruitment Genius: Magento Front End Web Developer

£25000 - £35000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: A Front End Web Developer is re...

Investigo: management accountant

£250 - £300 per day: Investigo: Growing international marketing business requi...

Recruitment Genius: ORM / Online Reputational Consultant

£18000 - £22000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: An ORM Consultant is required t...

Recruitment Genius: Facilities Manager

£21000 - £25000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This leading provider of educat...

Day In a Page

Greece elections: In times like these, the EU has far more dangerous adversaries than Syriza

Greece elections

In times like these, the EU has far more dangerous adversaries than Syriza, says Patrick Cockburn
Holocaust Memorial Day: Nazi victims remembered as spectre of prejudice reappears

Holocaust Memorial Day

Nazi victims remembered as spectre of prejudice reappears over Europe
Fortitude and the Arctic attraction: Our fascination with the last great wilderness

Magnetic north

The Arctic has always exerted a pull, from Greek myth to new thriller Fortitude. Gerard Gilbert considers what's behind our fascination with the last great wilderness
Homeless Veterans appeal: Homeless in Wales can find inspiration from Daniel’s story

Homeless Veterans appeal

Homeless in Wales can find inspiration from Daniel’s story
Front National family feud? Marine Le Pen and her relatives clash over French far-right party's response to Paris terror attacks

Front National family feud?

Marine Le Pen and her relatives clash over French far-right party's response to Paris terror attacks
Pot of gold: tasting the world’s most expensive tea

Pot of gold

Tasting the world’s most expensive tea
10 best wildlife-watching experiences: From hen harriers to porpoises

From hen harriers to porpoises: 10 best wildlife-watching experiences

While many of Britain's birds have flown south for the winter, it's still a great time to get outside for a spot of twitching
Nick Easter: 'I don’t want just to hold tackle bags, I want to be out there'

'I don’t want just to hold tackle bags, I want to be out there'

Nick Easter targeting World Cup place after England recall
DSK, Dodo the Pimp, and the Carlton Hotel

The inside track on France's trial of the year

Dominique Strauss-Kahn, Dodo the Pimp, and the Carlton Hotel:
As provocative now as they ever were

Sarah Kane season

Why her plays are as provocative now as when they were written
Murder of Japanese hostage has grim echoes of a killing in Iraq 11 years ago

Murder of Japanese hostage has grim echoes of another killing

Japanese mood was against what was seen as irresponsible trips to a vicious war zone
Syria crisis: Celebrities call on David Cameron to take more refugees as one young mother tells of torture by Assad regime

Celebrities call on David Cameron to take more Syrian refugees

One young mother tells of torture by Assad regime
The enemy within: People who hear voices in their heads are being encouraged to talk back – with promising results

The enemy within

People who hear voices in their heads are being encouraged to talk back
'In Auschwitz you got used to anything'

'In Auschwitz you got used to anything'

Survivors of the Nazi concentration camp remember its horror, 70 years on
Autumn/winter menswear 2015: The uniforms that make up modern life come to the fore

Autumn/winter menswear 2015

The uniforms that make up modern life come to the fore