So England suddenly don't have any goalkeepers at their disposal. Step forward Emily Dickson, the 14-year-old custodian of the nets who scored twice for Hoddesdon Owls Under-15s in a 3-2 victory over Stevenage Vixens. The Football Association have formally acknowledged that she is the first-ever player to perform the feat from inside her own penalty area. "My manager had bet me £50 that I couldn't score this season," said Emily. "After I did it he said 'double or quits'! So I did it again." That's four little ponies. It's good to see that like the Premier League's elite, she has her eye on the ball – or rather the money. If only David James acted like a girl sometimes. Oh hang on...
Phil Neville had to knock this off the price of his "Versace" style house, with its monogrammed carpets, to sell it. Old chum Becks' childhood home in Leytonstone has failed to sell at £215,000 after being put up for £850,000 last year.
Diminishing returns of the week
Sad to report the demise of a traditional "pub sport", and a game that really does require money, shove ha'penny. The league in Louth, Lincolnshire has been disbanded due to lack of numbers after 70 years. In the 1950s there were two divisions but now there are just three teams and they are tired of playing each other. This follows the folding of the great Keynsham League last year. So it's good to see that some traditions are alive and kicking – shin-kicking, to be precise. This brutal sport is the main attraction in next weekend's Cotswold Olympicks in Chipping Campden, which apparently began back in 1612. How convenient that 2012 will be the 400th anniversary.
Good week for
Rachel Christie, niece of athlete Linford and a heptathlete with 2012 hopes, chosen for the Miss England contest... Brighton & Hove Albion, cash-strapped club given £80m by chairman Tony Bloom... Anne Keothavong, first British woman to reach a WTA semi-final in 26 years... and Sir Ranulph Fiennes, conquered Everest at the third attempt at the age of 65.
Bad week for
Chris Lewis, former England cricketer was handed a 13-year sentence for smuggling cocaine... Headingley, Leeds cricket ground whose one-day international was abandoned without a ball bowled despite installing a £600,000 drainage system... Danny Cipriani, fly-half not chosen for England's summer squad... and Etape Caledonie, charitable Scottish road race for 3,500 cyclists called off after carpet tacks were thrown on to the course.
Telltale bulges of the week
The Belgian Bodybuilding Championships had to be cancelled last week after all 20 competitors fled when drug-tester Hans Cooman walked through the door. The event had already been switched from Brussels to across the border in Vlissingen, Holland, to avoid Belgian doping officials after 22 of the 29 participants failed or refused tests last year. It's tempting to think that a furious Cooman shouted "cowards" after them but that might have been foolhardy. Talking of skipping town, Belgium's Simon and Benjamin Mahy are taking the sport of rope-skipping by storm with their "double-Dutch fusion" style. It's good to see the roster of famous Belgians just keeps on growing.Reuse content