Congratulations to Duncan Hamilton for winning the William Hill Sports Book of the Year for the second time in three years. But what of Antonio Cassano, the Sampdoria striker whose second opus, 'Mornings Are Pointless', has gone as unrecognised as his first? It contains helpful mus-ings for each day of the year, such as: "Don't be impulsive. Do like I do. Before exploding, always count at least to one." Can footballers count any higher? Polish goalkeeper Arek Onyszko should take a leaf out of this self-help manual. FC Midtjylland in Denmark sacked him for publishing a book called 'Fucking Polack', in which he describes his hatred of gays and female sports reporters. The gloves are truly off.
Percentage of fans of 'Strictly Come Dancing' who injure themselves at ballroom dancing classes – and 44 per cent of people who watch the talent show take lessons. Surely the BBC should stop encouraging this dangerous activity.
Tall tales of the week
It took a while but 95-year-old Margaret Lambert, née Gretel Bergmann, has had her 1936 German high jump record officially recognised (at 5ft 3in). That year she was thrown off the Olympic team because she was Jewish, and fled to the US. That was after she moved to England in 1933 and broke the British high jump record, whereupon the Nazis told her to come home. To make matters worse she was replaced by Dora Ratjen, who was expelled a year later because she was a man. Min Bahadur Sherchan has finally been recognised by the 'Guinness Book of Records' as the oldest person to climb Everest at 76, two years after his ascent. And how does he feel? On top of the world.
Good week for
Chris Wood, 22-year-old Bristol golfer was named as the European Tour's Rookie of the Year after coming third at The Open as an amateur... Spank the Donkey and Hoof Hearted, respective winners of the fillies and colts races at the Mascot Grand National in Birmingham... and Roy Keane, Ipswich's manager has been cleared by his local council after neighbours complained that his dogs barked incessantly at his new home in Aldeburgh, Suffolk.
Bad week for
Lee McCormack, Cardiff's Scotland striker fined and banned from driving after police found his personalised number- plate at a crash scene... Iraq, banned from all football competitions by Fifa after their FA was taken over by armed forces of the Iraqi Olympic Committee... and Graham Gooch and Shane Warne, whose Advanced Hair Studio hair-loss remedy adverts have been banned for being misleading.
Round of drinks of the week
Not so 'Happy Gilmore'. The style of golf drive pioneered by Adam Sandler in the hit movie, where a player takes a run-up to hit the ball, has been banned as "a legal breach of the standard of care owed to other players on the course" by Judge Arthur J LeBlanc in the Supreme Court of Nova Scotia, Canada, after Alan Bezanson was injured by Travis Hayter during a drunken stag-do round and sued him for $227,500. But according to testimony, Hayter's usual swing was arguably worse than his running one, so why deprive golf of much-needed fun? By the fateful 16th he was performing "power slides" in his buggy and almost drove it into a pond. In general, his driving was erratic.