It's Saturday night in Vilnius, and you've just been walloped 48-0 by the Lithuania rugby union team (no, we didn't know they had one either). Do you a) go out to dinner in the town centre; b) drown your sorrows with a reported 74 beers; or c) orchestrate a mass striptease on an ornamental staircase? Last week, the 22 members of the Austria rugby squad decided on all three, but several questions remain. Who counted the beers? Why did Austria's captain choreograph the proceedings in English throughout? And where were the Vilnius police? If you want to see just how strong in the tackle the Austrians are, you'll find them on YouTube.
The speed Andrew Flintoff allegedly reached in a 50mph zone, though last week he was acquitted on a technicality. Fortunately for England, the all-rounder's bowling is also back to around this mark.
Bottom line of the week
More unashamed nudity at the Chicago White Sox baseball team's clubhouse, where in an attempt to exorcise a slump last Sunday the players arranged their bats around two inflatable dolls, adorned with a sign saying "You've Got To Push". Asked to comment, the Sox general manager, Ken Williams, said nervously: "The dolls were not violated in any way, shape or form" – if you ignore the bats popped up their posteriors to prop them up, that is. Sadly, the Sox lost their next game. Perhaps it was the doll's revenge – maybe, as Corporal Jones of 'Dad's Army' observed: "They don't like it up 'em."
Good week for
Valentino Rossi, former world champion, won for first time in eight races when taking China MotoGP... Peter Lawrie, Irish golfer, won Spanish Open for first European Tour victory... Ronnie O'Sullivan, won his third world snooker title... and Arsenal Ladies, completed a third consecutive League and Cup double.
Bad week for
Anthony davidson, English racing driver, out of Formula One after his Super Aguri team withdrew through lack of funds... Dwain Chambers, not offered a contract at the end of his trial period with rugby league's Castleford Tigers... Roger Federer, tennis world No 1, lost in straight sets to Radek Stepanek in Rome... and Nathan Robertson, Olympic badminton silver medallist for Britain in 2004, out for six weeks after ankle surgery.
Countdown of the week
The summer games get ever closer; it's only 54 days now before the Ceremonial BBQ Grill is lit with the official propane blowtorch at the Redneck Games, aka the Bubba Olympics, on 5 July in Georgia, USA. Good 'ol boys, and gals, will compete in the Mudpit Belly Flop, Cigarette Flip, Armpit Serenade, Bobbing For Pigs' Feet and Redneck Horseshoes (toilet seats are the objects thrown), before that traditional crowd-pleasing finale, the Buttcrack Competition. You can enter on the day, but be advised thatdope testing is mandatory – show any signs of intelligence and you'll be disqualifed.Reuse content