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Two candidates for this week's Well 'Ard Award. First up is Ian Williams of Pontlliw FC in West Glamorgan, who was making up the numbers on the subs' bench in the derby against Pontarddulais Town before coming on to score a late winner. So far, so unsurprising, but to do so he had to throw away his crutches and take the cast off his fractured foot – the one with which he struck the winner. Over in the States, college gridiron star Trevor Wikre suffered a multiple fracture of his right little finger in practice and was told his season was over. His response? He told the surgeons to amputate it so he could carry on playing. "It's not that big a deal," he said. No pinky, but still perky.

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Number of Dutch air guitar titles Dirk Kuyt has won, claims gossip site popbitch.com. Except he hasn't; the Liverpool forward figures nowhere in the official results of all six national championships. This year's winner was John Sniffler of Utrecht; presumably he mimed to Coldplay.

Nutcrackers of the week

Devotees of Thai ladyboys will be disappointed if they click on to chickswithballs.co.uk – it's a forum for female fans "to raise their moans, groans, beers and cheers about all things football". But they aren't anti-chaps, as their latest initiative, a calendar for which a bunch of them got their kits off, indicates. Proceeds go to Everyman, a testicular cancer research charity. No diseased nuts, we hope, at another charity event today, the annual World Conker Championships, despite the canker blighting Britain's horse chestnut trees. Roll up to the village of Ashton in Northamptonshire for 10.30; a smashing time guaranteed.

Good week for

Kelly Slater, American surfer, won a record ninth World Championship 16 years after winning his first... Troy Bayliss, took the World Superbike title in his final season... Bangladesh cricket team, recorded their first one-day win over New Zealand... and Zarkava, became the first filly to win the Prix de l'Arc de Triomphe since 1993.

Bad week for

Stefan Schumacher, 2008 Tour de France stage winner, gave positive result for blood-doping in a retest... the Canadian GP, dropped from the 2009 Formula One calendar... Marlies Schild, Austrian skier and World Cup slalom champion, broke her leg in two places... and Jonny Wilkinson (yet again), England rugby union fly-half, ruled out for five months with a dislocated knee.

Fatheads of the week

Sumo wrestling is in somewhat of a crisis. In the past year a young trainee has been beaten to death with baseball bats during a practice session, three Russian wrestlers have been thrown out of the Japanese Sumo Association for drug abuse, and there have been well-documented allegations of rigged bouts. Now the JSA have taken stern action – they have redesigned the ringside cushions, to try to stop irate fans throwing them in protest when they suspect a fixed fight. Single cushions are being replaced by larger ones, which will be tied together and thus harder to fling. Suggestions that this is missing the point would imply that there was a point to sumo in the first place.

s.redfern@independent.co.uk

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