Outside Edge

England footballers are sulking at the Fifa/World Anti-Doping Agency suggestion that as from January next year they will have to make their whereabouts known to drug-testers for one hour a day. Doping's just not an issue in this country, they insist, but the Continent may be a different matter. Two ghostwriters working on Zinedine Zidane's autobiography have had laptops containing the French maestro's manuscript stolen in break-ins, and one, Besma Lahouri, believes it is because the book "above all looks at doping [in European football]". Murky waters. The burglars had better beware if Zizou catches up with them – we seemto remember he's got a bit of a temper on him.

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Number of holes in one 18-handicapper Doug Hazell, 23, recorded over the course of eight holes at Caerphilly Golf Club on Sunday, beating odds of67 million to one. Back at the clubhouse, it cost him drinks all round – doubles, presumably.

Gratuitous quiz of the week

So, in the absence of any domestic interest, who to support at Euro 2008? A quiz at the-onion-bag.com can help you decide which national stereotype best suits your narrow world view. The 15 questions include: "Being a European means: a) working together for the benefit of all Europeans; b) I can bring back as much booze and fags as I want; c) shut the borders! They talk funny over there." Our answers indicated we should cheer for Germany. Which, of course, will just so not be happening.

Good week for

Usain Bolt, set a 100m world record of 9.72sec... Ravi Bopara, hit 201 not out to take Essex to the Friends Provident semi-finals... Josie Pearson, the first woman to be named in a GB wheelchair rugby squad when selected for Beijing... and ICAP Leopard, set a monohull record of seven days, 19hr, 21min for an Atlantic crossing.

Bad week for

Mohammad Asif, fast bowler dropped from Pakistan one-day squad after being detained in Dubai on suspicion of carrying illegal drugs... Jessica Ennis, British heptathlete will miss Beijing Olympics after suffering stress fracture to ankle... FC Porto, excluded from next season's Champions' League over alleged bribery of referees in 2003-04... and Anthony Hamilton, father of Lewis, who careered off the road in his £330,000 Porsche Carrera GT, wrecking it.

Foreign oddity of the week

The Japanese delight in chortlesome team names – let's hear it for the baseball team Hokkaido Nippon Ham Fighters – and they're pretty good at inventing daffy sports too. This weekend sees regional heats for the ancient (well, 10-year-old) art of Poetry Boxing. Contestants climb into the ring and take turns to read a three-minute poem, seven judges deciding the winner. Those reaching the finals have to improvise a poem around a word given to them on the spot. In other news, the Germans are planning to combine opera, boxing and bike riding, set to music from Wagner's Ring Cycle. Or possibly not.