Hats off to the Harraby Athletic Under-14s football team in Cumbria, who have won their first ever match following a 90-game losing streak since they were formed in 2006.
Last season they earned one point in the Longhorn Youth League but only because the opposition failed to turn up for a match. Last weekend they beat Edendale Hawks 3-2. It's the kind of persistence that Mike Roots of Colchester, Essex would admire. The 67-year-old has now covered 80,000 miles on his exercise bike in 13 years, pretending to travel around the world without ever leaving home (with maps and all; he's currently "in" Argentina). "I love cycling but it's too dangerous on the roads," he says. So far... sofa.
The cost of 9, The Links, a house that backs on to the 18th green at the Old Course, St Andrews. It also has views of West Sands beach, which featured in the film 'Chariots of Fire'. Planning permission is unlikely for a rear extension.
Blatant dives of the week
First Abingdon United wanted a change of kit because their yellow one attracted wasps; now we hear runners in the Bergmarathon in Linz, Austria were attacked at the finish line by a swarm of hornets. One fell unconscious with 15 stings while another sought refuge in a pond. Then news comes in that a man spent an hour in the Thames at Radcot, Oxfordshire after being chased by a herd of cows. It could become an event to rival the Pamplona Bull Run. Saracens fans got the hump at Wembley last weekend when the club's new mascots, three racing camels, were not allowed in the stadium. With those jobsworths on the gate it might be easier to pass through the eye of a needle.
Good week for...
Eddie Izzard, the cross-dressing comedian completed 43 marathons in 52 days – a total of 1,100 miles around Britain – to raise £200,000 for Sport Relief having never run more than five miles before (who said high heels were bad for your health?)... Lotus, British racing team returns to Formula One next season for the first time since 1994... and Heather Watson, the first British tennis player to win the girls' title at the US Open.
Bad week for...
Oscar Pistorius, the South African Paralympic sprinter was arrested for assault after slamming his front door on a woman at a party... Uganda Under-19s cricket team, six of whom went missing in Canada at a qualifying tournament... and Lynne Tombs, Parkinsons' sufferer banned from doubles table tennis in Tewkesbury in case she strikes her partners.
Not-so-white wedding of the week
Here comes the pride. During her hen-do, Casey Squibb of Wyke Regis, Dorset decided to take part in the Irish Bog-Snorkelling Championships at Castleblayney for a laugh. Wearing a veil over her wetsuit, Squibb did get very damp but she also broke the world record for women running underwater in a 55m ditch, finishing in 1min 34sec.
This weekend the World Gurning Championships are being held in Egremont, Cumbria. Now don't pull a face, this is serious – some competitors have their teeth removed to help their facial contortions, like four-times winner Peter Jackman. Sadly he died playing golf in Spain when a bluff he was standing on collapsed. The cliff-face looked crestfallen.