Sport on TV: Don't try this at home – unless a consenting adult is on hand
Sunday 12 April 2009
It is well documented that city slickers have been living in a different world. But when the young corporate wannabes of The Apprentice (BBC1, Wednesday) had to design and market an item of "portable home fitness equipment" for under £30, it was still a shock when Ben the stockbroker suggested "something you can incorporate into having sex that creates resistance while you do it, some sort of springloaded..." He trailed off at that point, perhaps lost in his own fantasies. It certainly didn't sound like the sort of thing you could persuade someone to do for less than 30 quid.
Inspired by the environs of Lea Valley's Elite Olympic Training Ground, the product that they came up with did in fact resemble some sado-masochism kitbag for a particularly macabre evening at home. At least "The Home Multi-Tone" would have a specific target market: wealthy old Formula One supremos with right-wing backgrounds. No one else was interested. Sir Alan Sugar summed up: "It sucks." If it did that, it might have been more popular.
The other invention was the "Body-Rocka", an ugly piece of plastic on which to park your posterior. It looked like the only sort of training you could do with it was of the potty variety, which was appropriate since it was a pretty potty idea – and a load of crap.
The baby of the group had already departed in the previous episode. Rocky, the former Middlesbrough triallist whose football career came to a premature end due to injury, was sacked after the débâcle of his Olympic-themed evening for a US law firm.
With its togas and gold lamé tablecloths, it was variously described as looking like a brothel, a Seventies nightclub and a mental hospital, which is quite a combination. Again, you couldn't help thinking Max Mosley might have been more impressed than Sir Alan.
*Eddie "The Eagle" Edwards made his comeback this week, fittingly tucked away deep in digital obscurity. He and his wife, Sam, appeared on WAGS World (Wedding Channel, Thursday), an execrable vehicle for Lizzie Cundy, the squeeze of former Chelsea and Spurs player Jason. If Mrs Cundy is a poor man's footballer's wife, then Sam Edwards is the very antithesis of the typical WAG.
Eddie, on the other hand, has resorted to plastic surgery and has had his jutting chin reshaped. He hasn't forgotten those halcyon days at the Calgary Olympics 21 years ago. "My feet didn't touch the ground for four years," he reflected, which certainly wasn't the case when he was jumping. "I was travelling the world opening shopping centres." It doesn't get much more glamorous than that.
He is now working as a plasterer and his clothes were splattered with white stuff – much as if he had just landed face-first in a pile of snow. So not much has really changed.
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