Police leave is in short supply. Every officer with the surname Jones has been drafted in for Cardiff v Swansea, while every Mac or Mc worth his salt is covering Hibs v Hearts. In the crazy golf world, Lee Westwood is the world No 1, or is it Tiger Woods? Oh, sorry, I meant Phil Mickelson, or was it Martin Kaymer? The ranking points system is so bizarre that if I can hole this putt – a tricky seven-footer through the clown's trousers and over the castle – I could be king of the world.
Just another manic Monday? Er, not really. The best I can offer is watching the Springboks train before an autumn Test against Wales. Exciting, eh?
Fantastic to see the return of Premier League midweek matches and those Tottenham fans who were slating Gareth Bale just a year ago will get another glimpse of the "greatest footballer in the world" as Spurs take on Sunderland at the Lane.
There's something about a night match, about the floodlights, about the pitch, that looks and smells so good. And tonight we've some humdingers. The Manchester derby no less, at Eastlands, and a west London derby at the Bridge. Liverpool and Arsenal have tricky trips to Wigan and Wolves respectively.
Day two of the Adelaide warm-up for England's cricketers. After 18 years of hurt, one can't help but laugh as the Australians keep finding ways to lose. Now the heart AND the head are beginning to dream of Ashes glory. It could happen, couldn't it?
I don't know about 19 Grands Prix, I feel as though I've done 15 rounds with Mike Tyson (when he could punch). The interminable procession comes to a close at Abu Dhabi – it's "practice" today – but I'm sure Bernie Ecclestone and Co can redefine greed by hosting a race on every other day in 2011.
More good Premier League action as United go to Villa, Liverpool visit Stoke, Man City entertain Birmingham and Spurs host Blackburn. England tackle Australia in the autumn internationals while Scotland enter the fray with a nice easy start – home to the All Blacks. Elsewhere, Ireland tackle Samoa... the whole of it, not just Western. Finally, we should all pray for a David Haye win in the big fight tonight – can we really stomach the alternative, i.e. Fraudley Harrison as champion of the world?