Survival Sunday, five into two won't go, but I presume I can take it for granted we all want Blackpool to stay up? The mighty Tangerines go for a win at Old Trafford while Wigan hope to see off dead-on-their-feet Stoke and naughty boys Birmingham try to win at Spurs. Meanwhile, Wolves and Blackburn hope they can play out a nice goalless draw... but could end up cutting each other's throats. See you round mine at 4pm with a six-pack (better make it a crate)?
Manchester City's players take part in an FA Cup-winners' parade. Sadly, the bus driver has no idea where to go after being informed: "Head for the trophy cabinet." And expect Andy Murray, who has built up all our hopes yet again, to crash out of the French Open any day now.
Hopefully Sir Alex will field a stronger side than against Blackpool for tonight's Gary Neville testimonial at Old Trafford against Juventus – the only opposition Red Nev could entice, because they are the only side left in Europe that he hasn't annoyed (yet). Days after the Queen visited Dublin, expect Prince Philip to play up front in the spirit of reconciliation as Northern Ireland play the Republic in the Nations Cup.
In county cricket, champions elect Lancashire head for Hampshire. In rugby league, it's the opposite of handbags as Queensland and New South Wales go head to head in State of Origin in Brisbane.
Back in 2009, The Week Ahead was treated to a wondrous first day of the Ashes in Cardiff. Therefore, it's very sad to report that ticket sales have been pitiful for the England-Sri Lanka Test which starts there today.
Monaco: Fact cars, fast women – Jenson Button should be in his element.
To round off an epic football season, the small matter of a Champions' League final at Wembley between Barcelona and Manchester United. If you're going to the game, it is likely to cost you at least a grand for a ticket, a car park space and a hot dog, but for the rest of us watching on television, it promises to be a classic. In rugby, the Premiership season also reaches a crescendo, albeit of the more low-key variety, as Leicester do battle with Saracens. Put a pound or two on Andy Saull's Sarries.