"Nurse, quick! It says here there are no World Cup matches on. My medicine, please." Let's hope Warrington fans aren't as homophobic as their Cas counterparts as Gareth Thomas's Crusaders host the Wolves. Oh, and my Scottish Editor reminds me Andy Murray is not in the men's final at Wimbledon.
Not that he wants to avoid hostile crowds or anything, but Tiger Woods plays his first tournament outside the US at the always hostile charity pro-am organised by Irish racehorse owner JP McManus.
A World Cup semi-final ... and a Tour de France drugs story?
You know England absolutely battered Bangladesh in Test cricket recently? Then the Bangers went home to play in the Asia Cup? Now, for some reason (oh yes, money) they're back for a one-day hiding at Trent Bridge.
No Andy Murray as Britain look to avoid a Davis Cup drop to the Vauxhall Conference. New captain Leon Smith has put his faith in James Ward and Jamie Baker (no, me neither) for the must-win clash with Turkey at Eastbourne.
The most pointless fixture at any World Cup – the "battle" for third place. Those great Britons Jenson Button and Lewis Hamilton aim to delight home fans at Silverstone in the race for pole at the British Grand Prix. Finally, a friendly between Arnold and Notts County. I would like the Nottingham-based Arnold to go north of the Border and take on Keith.