The week ahead

Today

One day Juande Ramos will be sacked, and it could happen if Stoke turn Spurs over this afternoon. Let's hope there is no China crisis for Lewis Hamilton in Shanghai, and it's the ING Marathon in Amsterdam – should be flat.

Tomorrow

More car-crash television as JFK's Newcastle entertain Manchester City. At Lord's, expect hundreds of volts to pass through Kevin Pietersen's body every time he mentions the word "money", as he talks up the Stanford Super Series.

Tuesday

Surely Celtic's abysmal away record in the Champions' League must end soon. But on a Tuesday, at Old Trafford, against Manchester United, with their reputation? Are you sure? Expect Turkish delight for Arsenal in Fenerbahce.

Wednesday

Stop press: Uefa make sane decision. The thousands of Liverpool fans travelling to Madrid will actually be able to see their team play Atletico in a stadium that is not 200 miles away. Chelsea host Roma.

Thursday

The interminable group stages of the Uefa Cup begin. Spurs go to Udinese, Portsmouth visit Braga and Aston Villa should clean up against Ajax.

Friday

Mike Tindall appears at Newbury Magistrates Court on a drink-drive charge. Perhaps the Queen will have a word to try to get him off.

Saturday

Guess how many 3pm kick-offs in the Premier League today? Er, just one – West Bromwich v Hull. The rugby league World Cup kicks off with England v Papua New Guinea.