The Spectator

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Has anyone out there met Alexandra Paressant? You know, the French supermodel who wore out Ronaldinho during the 2006 World Cup, then had an affair with French NBA star Tony Parker, the husband of Desperate Housewife Eva Longoria, after being introduced by Thierry Henry at the wedding. Only reason I ask is that none of the above turns out to be true, despite her intriguing "evidence" involving hazelnut spread and a vibrator shaped like a duck; even her MySpace pictures appear to be of someone else entirely. If she does exist, The Spectator advises her to come over here and try her luck with Premier League players; many of them seem to live in a fantasy world as well.

57

Number of pints of lager and Guinness Ricky Hatton is alleged to have consumed during four days over the New Year in Tenerife... plus 21 vodkas, three whiskies, two pints of rum and a bottle of champagne. Note: Ricky Hatton employs a dietician.

Refereeing decision of the week

A red card is shown, the dismissed player's team-mates mob the referee. A distasteful scene, but what to do? In a recent match in Malaysia, the official, who is also a policeman, ran to his patrol car, got his gun, and fired warning shots in the air. He is now in custody, along with five players, who could be charged with rioting. "We are investigating as to whether he was justified in taking out his fire-arm and discharging it," said the local police chief. Quite; one doesn't want any rush to judgement.

Good week for

John Part, Canadian darts player, won a third world title by taking the PDC Championship... Chris Hoy, Scottish Olympic gold medallist, extended unbeaten international record in the keirin to 19 in Rotterdam... Eddie Jones, rugby union coach, appointed director of rugby at Saracens... and V V S Laxman, Indian batsman, scored a third century in three Tests in Sydney.

Bad week for

Justin Gatlin, American sprinter, unable to defend Olympic 100m title in Beijing after failing to have his drugs ban lifted completely... Martina Hingis, retired former world tennis No 1, banned for two years after a positive drugs test for cocaine... Leon Taylor, synchronised diver, out of GB Championships with hernia injury... and Cam Cameron, head coach of Miami Dolphins NFL team, fired after only one win in 16 games.

Award of the week

The promise last week to reveal the 2007 winner of the Darwin Awards, "honouring those who improve the species by accidentally removing themselves from it", was as with so many things in this column a foolish one, because they have yet to be announced. So we'll just have to choose our own from the shortlist of stupidities on offer at darwinawards.com. In Valparaiso, Chile, two friends decided to play "chicken", seeing who could stay on the rail longest in the path of an oncoming train. On the stroke of midnight the contest was decided, when the winner died. His name: Patrick Stiff.

s.redfern@independent.co.uk

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