Raw kicked off with the main storyline at the moment, Dean Ambrose and John Cena kicking off with each other about who would get their hands on Seth Rollins first. The Authority decided to come out and show their, well, authority and issue a handicap match for the Main Event. Cena and Ambrose to face off against Kane, Randy Orton and Rollins. Have I just had déjà vu?
Our first match of the night was a six-man tag-team match with Gold & Stardust and Cesaro competing against The Usos and Dolph Ziggler. It was less of a match and more of a brawl as before, and during, Ziggler and one of The Usos were thrown into the metal steps as all six men battled with each other.
The ‘heel’ team dominated throughout but when Stardust found himself isolated in the ring, he ended up on the receiving end of a triple-superkick from all three opponents, which wrapped up the win for them.
Some ladies - who are apparently TV hosts in America – came on next. The WWE crowd didn’t really like them and neither did I; it was like watching your drunk, embarrassing mum flirting with your friends.
All this over and done with, we had Mark Henry competing against Bo Dallas next and almost as soon as it started, the match was over. Henry started throwing Dallas around outside the ring, not caring about the referee’s ten-count, but as the official reached nine, Dallas snuck in the ring ahead of Henry, meaning the World’s Strongest Man was disqualified.
Dean Ambrose and Cena appeared in the ring next to have another little argument. It basically culminated in Ambrose leaving Cena to fight their match alone, just like Cena did on Friday’s Smackdown.
A Divas match now and, as Nikki Bella is intent on making her sister relive the matches that she was in when Brie left, Brie had one arm tied behind her back as she faced Summer Rae. The Diva prevailed once again as she made Summer crack her head against Layla’s – who was supporting at ringside – then followed that up with a knee to the face.
Jack Swagger and Tyson Kidd were in action next and Swagger picked up the win after making Kidd tap out to the Patriot lock. Kidd was doing fairly well until this point but looked to have blamed his wife Natalya afterwards for the loss.
We genuinely have a dwarf match now, no I’m not kidding; El Torito – accompanied by Los Matadores - against Hornswoggle in an alligator costume – accompanied by Heath Slater and Titus O’Neil. I’m not even going to bother describing this match. El Torito won.
We had Rusev and Lana come out next to do their usual USA trash talk and then, well then The Rock came out. Yes, the bloody Rock! He pulled out all his usual trademark sayings, his jokes and then he kicked Rusev’s ass. Awesome!
Another Divas match was next and it was a tag-team match between Paige & Alicia Fox and AJ Lee & Emma. AJ left the match halfway through though after becoming annoyed with Emma’s strange antics, and Paige took advantage, hitting the Rampaige and getting the victory.
Earlier in the night, The Miz annoyed Kane so the Director of Operations decided to put him in a match against Sheamus. Miz stole the win after Sheamus Brogue-kicked Damien Mizdow and Miz rolled up the Irishman in a surprise package for the victory.
The Main Event had finally arrived and because Ambrose left earlier, it was a three-on-one handicap match between John Cena and the team of Kane, Rollins and Orton. Cena actually looked like he had the match won before The Authority intervened and they were disqualified.
Dean Ambrose then came back, with a food kart in hand. He and Cena managed to clear the ring with the help of some mustard and ketchup, before HHH appeared. He announced that the two would have to face each other with the winner facing Seth Rollins at Hell in a Cell. Then, just as the dust was settling, Ambrose hit Cena with the Dirty Deeds to stand tall in the ring.
The Usos and Dolph Ziggler DEF Gold & Stardust and Cesaro
Bo Dallas DEF Mark Henry via count-out
Brie Bella DEF Summer Rae
Jack Swagger DEF Tyson Kidd
El Torito DEF Hornswoggle
Paige & Alicia Fox DEF AJ Lee & Emma
The Miz DEF Sheamus
John Cena DEF Seth Rollins, Kane & Randy Orton via DQReuse content