The Hacker: A card-wrecking 14 means I lose my bottle but the Scotch tastes sweet for Candy man

The big scorers were out in force last weekend, merrily hacking their way around the course and racking up soaring totals on their medal cards.

It was our club's Centurions tournament which we believe is the only event of its kind in the UK, recognising as it does the struggles of the less gifted golfers.

To qualify, players need to have failed to break 100 at least once in a monthly medal during the year. The idea for the tournament was the brainchild of Mike Hennessy, who, after hearing me being mocked for my famed failure to break 100 in recent years, studied the results and revealed that scores of 100 or more were not exactly rare.

Indeed, every year, about 150 were over the century mark at least once which is a surprisingly high percentage of those who play regularly in the medals.

Every year, we stage our version of the Ryder Cup between Wales and the Rest of the World and the teams are drawn from those who perform best in the medals. Those who perform worst, i.e. the Centurions, play on the same day and are largely ignored.

It is a very popular competition among the hackers and probably represents our best chance of winning anything but not everyone likes it – particularly the reluctant ton-up boys.

At first, the names of those who had qualified were put on the noticeboard but were taken down after protests from some who did not want their shame made public.

Last weekend, out of more than 140 who qualified, only 63 turned out. Of the 80 or so absentees, some would have had good excuses but the majority of them were either in denial or considered it beneath them to play in the company of losers.

There has been a sharp increase, too, in the number of non-returns in the medals – players who don't return a completed score. There can be good reasons for this but if you are not playing well and the 100 is looming, a "non return" can save face.

They all missed a brilliant day – I'm talking about the weather not the golf. Conditions were perfect, sunny, clear and crisp, with the course in great nick and the greens slick and true.

And, true to their name, most of the Centurions returned with scores in excess of 100. Mine was well in excess. Despite a stirring start in which two straight long shots took me to a par on the first, I fell foul of the hacker's curse on the fourth on which I hit three trees, took five to get from underneath the lip of a greenside bunker and finished with a card-wrecking 14.

Utterly demoralised, I came back with a score of 119 and my consolation was that I was the likely winner of the bottle of Scotch for the highest score.

I was even trounced in that battle by Mac Candy who came home with 132 and a tale of woe that would take a long time to relate. He had bunker trouble, too, and also had to take nine penalty shots including one called by his playing partner for holding the flag while holing out from two inches.

My one pleasure was that a player could win only one prize and although he won the prize of six golf balls for the highest score on the par fives with 36, it went to the second highest – 35 by me. He was also prevented from taking the prize for the highest score on the par threes on which he scored more than he had on the par fives

I was criticised by one of my friends for making 100 such a big issue. "I never used to worry about it but you've made me so conscious of it. It puts me off," he said.

I reassured him that no one suffers more than me. The more I write about it the more pressure I bring upon myself. Will I ever get the monkey off my back?

Tip of the week

No 72: Dressing up for winter

With cold weather now setting in, it is important to take advantage of the modern "base-layer" garments.

By wearing clothing tight to your body, air is trapped between the skin and the garment. The tighter you can wear the garment. the more the air is warmed to create a barrier from the cold.

This way you can build up multiple thin layers and feel much freer on a cold day, rather than wearing big bulky garments.

For extra warmth, remember to wear a woolly hat or a fleece hat to stop heat escaping from your head and an extra pair of waterproof trousers or leggings to keep your legs warm.

You don't need to feel bulky and restricted any more for winter golf. If you do, you could be losing unnecessary yards at this important time of year.

Simon Iliffe is head professional at Bramley Golf Club, Surrey.

FootballGerman sparks three goals in four minutes at favourite No 10 role
Rumer was diagnosed with bipolarity, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder and post-traumatic stress disorder: 'I was convinced it was a misdiagnosis'
peopleHer debut album caused her post-traumatic stress - how will she cope as she releases her third record?
A long jumper competes in the 80-to-84-year-old age division at the 2007 World Masters Championships
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Radamel Falcao was forced to withdraw from the World Cup after undergoing surgery
premier leagueExclusive: Reds have agreement with Monaco
Arts and Entertainment
'New Tricks' star Dennis Waterman is departing from the show after he completes filming on two more episodes
tvHe is only remaining member of original cast
Lewis Hamilton will start the Singapore Grand Prix from pole, with Nico Rosberg second and Daniel Ricciardo third
F1... for floodlit Singapore Grand Prix
Life and Style
Walking tall: unlike some, Donatella Versace showed a strong and vibrant collection
fashionAlexander Fury on the staid Italian clothing industry
Arts and Entertainment
Gregory Porter learnt about his father’s voice at his funeral
Arts and Entertainment
tvHighs and lows of the cast's careers since 2004
Life and Style
Children at the Leytonstone branch of the Homeless Children's Aid and Adoption Society tuck into their harvest festival gifts, in October 1936
food + drinkThe harvest festival is back, but forget cans of tuna and packets of instant mash
New Articles
i100... she's just started school
New Articles
Life and Style
Couples have been having sex less in 2014, according to a new survey
Arts and Entertainment
musicBiographer Hunter Davies has collected nearly a hundred original manuscripts
New Articles
i100... despite rising prices
Holly's review of Peterborough's Pizza Express quickly went viral on social media
Caption competition
Caption competition
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Daily Quiz
Independent Dating

By clicking 'Search' you
are agreeing to our
Terms of Use.

Career Services

Day In a Page

Scottish referendum: The Yes vote was the love that dared speak its name, but it was not to be

Despite the result, this is the end of the status quo

Boyd Tonkin on the fall-out from the Scottish referendum
Manolo Blahnik: The high priest of heels talks flats, Englishness, and why he loves Mary Beard

Manolo Blahnik: Flats, Englishness, and Mary Beard

The shoe designer who has been dubbed 'the patron saint of the stiletto'
The Beatles biographer reveals exclusive original manuscripts of some of the best pop songs ever written

Scrambled eggs and LSD

Behind The Beatles' lyrics - thanks to Hunter Davis's original manuscript copies
'Normcore' fashion: Blending in is the new standing out in latest catwalk non-trend

'Normcore': Blending in is the new standing out

Just when fashion was in grave danger of running out of trends, it only went and invented the non-trend. Rebecca Gonsalves investigates
Dance’s new leading ladies fight back: How female vocalists are now writing their own hits

New leading ladies of dance fight back

How female vocalists are now writing their own hits
Mystery of the Ground Zero wedding photo

A shot in the dark

Mystery of the wedding photo from Ground Zero
His life, the universe and everything

His life, the universe and everything

New biography sheds light on comic genius of Douglas Adams
Save us from small screen superheroes

Save us from small screen superheroes

Shows like Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D are little more than marketing tools
Reach for the skies

Reach for the skies

From pools to football pitches, rooftop living is looking up
These are the 12 best hotel spas in the UK

12 best hotel spas in the UK

Some hotels go all out on facilities; others stand out for the sheer quality of treatments
These Iranian-controlled Shia militias used to specialise in killing American soldiers. Now they are fighting Isis, backed up by US airstrikes

Widespread fear of Isis is producing strange bedfellows

Iranian-controlled Shia militias that used to kill American soldiers are now fighting Isis, helped by US airstrikes
Topshop goes part Athena poster, part last spring Prada

Topshop goes part Athena poster, part last spring Prada

Shoppers don't come to Topshop for the unique
How to make a Lego masterpiece

How to make a Lego masterpiece

Toy breaks out of the nursery and heads for the gallery
Meet the ‘Endies’ – city dwellers who are too poor to have fun

Meet the ‘Endies’ – city dwellers who are too poor to have fun

Urbanites are cursed with an acronym pointing to Employed but No Disposable Income or Savings
Paisley’s decision to make peace with IRA enemies might remind the Arabs of Sadat

Ian Paisley’s decision to make peace with his IRA enemies

His Save Ulster from Sodomy campaign would surely have been supported by many a Sunni imam