The Hacker: These young upstarts are starting to steal my blunder

My position as the club's worst player in medal rounds has been snatched from me by a newcomer who returned the highest score of 113 in the Centurion Cup.

This is a competition for all those who have failed to break 100 at least once in a medal during the year. More than 120 sad souls qualified as centurions, but about half of them didn't turn up because they were too ashamed.

Among the prizes on offer was a bottle of scotch for the worst score, which I had won for the previous two years. That I didn't win it this year is not due to any improvement in my golf, but because I didn't play thanks to my Achilles tendon injury.

So I had to watch as Peter Chaffey, who only joined this year, collected the bottle to the usual ribaldry. But I stifled my envy because it is good to see the young hackers coming through.

Alas, Peter had further disgrace to come in the winter league last Sunday as one of those who had an air-shot that morning.

One of the features of our excellent winter league, which is called the Snakes and Ladders, and is being contested by a full house of 144, is that any slip-ups on the course are gleefully reported when the players gather in the spikes bar for a few pints afterwards.

Naturally, air-shots are a common failure. When you get that many players thrashing about – they take about 5,000 shots between them – a few are bound to miss the ball completely.

The format is foursomes and we have a shotgun start at 9am with two matches starting on each hole. This means a long walk for many of the players. Peter and his partner were off the 12th, which is the furthest tee from the clubhouse and the best part of a mile away. Maybe he was tired from the walk but he put his ball on the tee-peg and his massive swipe failed to connect. It was an embarrassment shared by a few others including another beginner, Nigel Mason, but he was given a special cheer for hitting the fairway for the first time in three weeks.

But air-shots do not confine themselves to hackers and the biggest cheer of the day greeted news that Brian Rigby, our greens chairman, had missed the ball on the 15th. Brian, whose handicap had just gone up from one to two, had been put under a leylandii tree by his partner Dave Cooper.

Our course is in great shape at the moment but we do have more than our fair share of leylandii and although a good few have been chopped down, we hackers would welcome the disappearance of more because they are not the hacker's best friend.

Either the ball stays up in the tree or drops below the very low branches and is very difficult to get to. This is what happened to Brian and because they had to give a shot on that hole, he decided to try to swat it out with a four-wood.

He confessed to missing the ball by a foot. I suggested that he chopped the bloody thing down. "It's coming down tomorrow," he said. I think he was joking.

That's the beauty of "The Snakes". It is a great leveller and over the next 20 weeks they will be engaged in one of golf's less sophisticated manifestations.

For various reasons, I haven't entered this year but I am available as a substitute. No one has called on me yet but I'm sure someone will get desperate.

p.corrigan@independent.co.uk

Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Life and Style
tech
Arts and Entertainment
Rocky road: Dwayne Johnson and Carla Gugino play an estranged husband and wife in 'San Andreas'
filmReview: In the face of all-round devastation, even Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson appears a little puny
Arts and Entertainment
Bright lights, big city: Melrose Avenue in Los Angeles by dusk
books
News
i100
Sport
Harry Kane makes Paul Scholes' Premier League team of the season
footballPaul Scholes on the best players, managers and goals of the season - and the biggest disappointments
News
i100
Caption competition
Caption competition
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Daily Quiz
Independent Dating
and  

By clicking 'Search' you
are agreeing to our
Terms of Use.

Career Services

Day In a Page

Fifa corruption: The 161-page dossier that exposes the organisation's dark heart

The 161-page dossier that exposes Fifa's dark heart

How did a group of corrupt officials turn football’s governing body into what was, in essence, a criminal enterprise? Chris Green and David Connett reveal all
Mediterranean migrant crisis: 'If Europe thinks bombing boats will stop smuggling, it will not. We will defend ourselves,' says Tripoli PM

Exclusive interview with Tripoli PM Khalifa al-Ghweil

'If Europe thinks bombing boats will stop smuggling, it will not. We will defend ourselves'
Raymond Chandler's Los Angeles: How the author foretold the Californian water crisis

Raymond Chandler's Los Angeles

How the author foretold the Californian water crisis
Chinese artist who posted funny image of President Xi Jinping facing five years in prison as authorities crackdown on dissent in the arts

Art attack

Chinese artist who posted funny image of President Xi Jinping facing five years in prison
Marc Jacobs is putting Cher in the limelight as the face of his latest campaign

Cher is the new face of Marc Jacobs

Alexander Fury explains why designers are turning to august stars to front their lines
Parents of six-year-old who beat leukaemia plan to climb Ben Nevis for cancer charity

'I'm climbing Ben Nevis for my daughter'

Karen Attwood's young daughter Yasmin beat cancer. Now her family is about to take on a new challenge - scaling Ben Nevis to help other children
10 best wedding gift ideas

It's that time of year again... 10 best wedding gift ideas

Forget that fancy toaster, we've gone off-list to find memorable gifts that will last a lifetime
Paul Scholes column: With the Premier League over for another year, here are my end of season awards

Paul Scholes column

With the Premier League over for another year, here are my end of season awards
Heysel disaster 30th anniversary: Liverpool have seen too much tragedy to forget fateful day in Belgium

Liverpool have seen too much tragedy to forget Heysel

Thirty years ago, 39 fans waiting to watch a European Cup final died as a result of a fatal cocktail of circumstances. Ian Herbert looks at how a club that later became synonymous with Hillsborough has dealt with this tragedy
Amir Khan vs Chris Algieri: Khan’s audition for Floyd Mayweather may turn into a no-win situation, says Frank Warren

Khan’s audition for Mayweather may turn into a no-win situation

The Bolton fighter could be damned if he dazzles and damned if he doesn’t against Algieri, the man last seen being decked six times by Pacquiao, says Frank Warren
Blundering Tony Blair quits as Middle East peace envoy – only Israel will miss him

Blundering Blair quits as Middle East peace envoy – only Israel will miss him

For Arabs – and for Britons who lost their loved ones in his shambolic war in Iraq – his appointment was an insult, says Robert Fisk
Fifa corruption arrests: All hail the Feds for riding to football's rescue

Fifa corruption arrests

All hail the Feds for riding to football's rescue, says Ian Herbert
Isis in Syria: The Kurdish enclave still resisting the tyranny of President Assad and militant fighters

The Kurdish enclave still resisting the tyranny of Assad and Isis

In Syrian Kurdish cantons along the Turkish border, the progressive aims of the 2011 uprising are being enacted despite the war. Patrick Cockburn returns to Amuda
How I survived Cambodia's Killing Fields: Acclaimed surgeon SreyRam Kuy celebrates her mother's determination to escape the US

How I survived Cambodia's Killing Fields

Acclaimed surgeon SreyRam Kuy celebrates her mother's determination to escape to the US
Stephen Mangan interview: From posh buffoon to pregnant dad, the actor has quite a range

How Stephen Mangan got his range

Posh buffoon, hapless writer, pregnant dad - Mangan is certainly a versatile actor