High on Heartbreak Hill with a happy ending
Sport on TV
Sunday 20 October 1996
The inevitable comparisons with his father, so tiresome when they are trotted out by commentators, were given a stamp of authority in that this time they were made by the uniquely qualified Bette Hill, widow of Graham and mother of Damon (a name she pronounced to rhyme with "Game on").
Bette declared: "I can see a lot of Graham's determination in Damon. Graham used to grind them into the ground, and that is what Damon has been doing, in the nicest possible way." A very British concept, that, the nice grinder. Bette, by the way, was a dead ringer for Dame Vera Lynn - in the nicest possible way.
George Harrison provided a character reference, to the effect that Damon is an all-round nice guy and "champion human being", which was borne out by some mawkishly staged sepia-toned footage of Hill wandering along a beach with his wife, Georgie. It called to mind a similar scene involving Neil and Glenys Kinnock, but the Hills avoided a soaking, mainly because Damon - in the nicest possible way - shoulder-charged his wife up the beach the moment he saw a wave coming.
Nigel Mansell, whose moustache has split in two and migrated to his eyebrows, supplied a grudging compliment. "The Williams car is by far the most competitive car out there at this time," he said. "But you still have to have a good pedaller out there pedalling it." Someone should tell him that the technology has moved on a little since his day.
Murray Walker was on hand to conduct an interview comprising the kind of grilling Kim Jong Il, the Dear Leader, might expect from North Korean TV. "You're world champion now," Murray cooed. "But you have been a superstar in the eyes of the public for quite a long time. What do you feel all this has cost you?"
"I don't think of it in terms of cost," Hill responded. "I think of it in terms of investment." He was talking personal development; his advisers are currently working out comparative yields between Krugerrands, diamonds, and gilt-edged government stock.
Murray persisted. "But can you go into the pub now and relax without being besieged?" Hill could have said: "Sure, if I buy the pub and sling everyone out," but to his credit he replied: "I might be besieged, but I'd enjoy it. I might even try it." So if you see a chap with advertisements all over him at the bar in your local, carrying a socking great cup, buy him a pint. Goodness knows, he deserves it.
Walker had earlier in the week called "Time" on the BBC's grand prix coverage, describing Hill's final triumph of the year and getting predictably carried away in the process. "I've got to stop, because I've got a lump in my throat," he exclaimed, as the Englishman swept across the line. "I really am, for once, at a loss for words." The real loss is the BBC's, for Murray will pop up again, larynx refreshed, in time for ITV's coverage next year.
Another commentator who is rarely stuck for material is Jonathan Pearce, whose multi-decibel radio broadcasts have won him several awards. They have also secured for him the more dubious honour of a regular Friday slot presenting Sports Talk on a new cable channel called Granada Talk TV.
Pearce described last week's show as "Super-Celebrity Sports Talk". Not so sure about the celebrity quota. Pearce introduced his star guest thus: "Footballer's wives have been in the news a lot recently, I'm afraid for all the wrong reasons. So it's a pleasure to welcome someone who is not in the news, the wife of Tottenham goalkeeper, Ian, that's Suzi Walker." Translation: "We couldn't get Sheryl."
So, not much of a celebrity, and not much sports talk either. Here's Suzi on soccer: "I hated football when I met Ian, didn't have a clue, still don't really. I go to the games, I watch, but I don't understand the game." Adjusting the conversation to a more manageable level, Pearce said: "The burning question really about Ian has to be, is it Ian who decides on his hairstyle, or is it you?" Just for the record, he wants to cut it, she doesn't.
You might imagine that this experiment with the giggling Mrs Walker might have taught Sports Talk a lesson. Far from it. They plan to recruit her as a reporter to talk to - who else? - other players' wives. It is not as if there is any shortage of women willing and able to talk about the game (see, for instance, Olivia Blair in our sister newspaper on Saturdays). But this is not Sports Talk's style. On 5 November, their advance listings promise, "TV presenter Lorraine Kelly" will discuss Dundee United. In the nicest possible way: who cares?
Latest in Sport
Arsenal and Puma unveil world's first left-footed football
Italy vs England player ratings: Did Andros Townsend's goal see him beat Harry Kane and Wayne Rooney to top marks?
WWE Raw results: Brock Lesnar suspended for post-Wrestlemania 31 rampage after losing title to Seth Rollins
Raheem Sterling interview: No amount of money can convince Sterling to stay at Liverpool
Liverpool injury news: Raheem Sterling, Daniel Sturridge, Adam Lallana and Dejan Lovren expected to be ready for Arsenal clash
- 1 Katie Hopkins attacked me on Twitter — so I reported her to the police for inciting racial hatred
- 2 Google April Fools': company unveils backwards search engine and huggable digital assistant
- 3 I might be an MP, but that doesn't stop me fighting sexism with my breasts
- 4 April Fools' Day 2015: The best hoax news stories from around the internet
- 5 Gamers confess the worst things they've done in The Sims
Street preacher quoting from the Bible fined for calling homosexuality an 'abomination'
Katie Hopkins attacked me on Twitter — so I reported her to the police for inciting racial hatred
Woman filmed launching racist tirade against men on the Tube for speaking in 'own lingo'
David Cameron calls Labour 'hopeless, sneering socialists' while announcing 7-day NHS plans
Revealed: Putin's army of pro-Kremlin bloggers
Katie Hopkins reported to the police for race hatred by Labour MP Simon Danczuk after tweet about Pakistani men
£18000 - £22000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This is an exciting opportunity...
£30000 - £35000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: Working closely with the market...
£20000 - £50000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: A reputable company, famed for ...
Negotiable: Ashdown Group: The Ashdown Group has been engaged by a highly resp...