You think England have problems? Richie Richardson would gladly pack his bags for Karachi and take on Mike Atherton's job, anything to escape a team whose body-language speaks of disinterest and disharmony and whose complacency has contrived to produce the most embarrassing defeat in West Indies' cricket history.
Karachi, in fact, may be the safest place for Richardson; I certainly would not bother with the Caribbean.
The match was not even close, and Richardson, more used than most West Indian captains (and more willing than most captains) to explaining defeats, could only say at the dressing-room door: "I don't have words at the moment..." Every captain is expected to attend a news conference after each World Cup match. However brief and informal, none will have revealed so much (there was not even time to call someone a buffoon).
During Kenya's innings there was little hint that the small but increasingly excited crowd here would witness the World Cup's biggest upset. True, the West Indies thumbed their noses at one-day discipline, delivering 14 wides and 13 no-balls but, even so, 167 should have been a comfortable target.
However, first Richardson chopped a ball on to his leg stump, then Sherwin Campbell was bowled round his legs. Brian Lara square-drove his first ball for four but he gave the appearance of playing in a benefit match. He did not sense the danger and was caught behind off his third undisciplined swish. Keith Arthurton's ill-judged attempt at a short single made it 35 for 4.
Strangely, the West Indies still seemed the likely winners, but it was one of those days. A catch down the leg-side put paid to Roger Harper; there were two tight run-outs; and a poor decision to saw off Courtney Walsh.
There are precedents for non-Test playing countries beating Test teams in the World Cup - in 1979 Sri Lanka beat India at Old Trafford, and, four years later, an Australian side that included Thomson, Lillee and Marsh lost to Zimbabwe - but those results hardly compare to this. While those two countries used World Cup success as a basis for winning Test- playing status, Kenya's chances of gaining two votes at the International Cricket Conference appear remote. The Kenyan Cricket Board have so little money that, when the players asked for white balls with which to practise before the tournament, they were given normal cricket balls painted white.
Such is the unsatisfactory format of the competition that the West Indies will probably still qualify for the quarter-finals. But Kenya, who play Sri Lanka in their last group match, or Zimbabwe, who take on India, can now claim fourth spot ahead of them in Group A. If the West Indies were to suffer a thrashing at the hands of Australia in Jaipur on Monday, it is conceivable that Kenya, even if they lose to Sri Lanka, could pip them. It is all down to net run-rate, which is not as daft as Richie Benaud's "rain rule" but it still takes a bit of working out.
Lara was one of several West Indies players to visit the victorious dressing- room. It was hard to know what delighted the Kenyans more - their win or Lara's willingness to pass the time and pose for individual photos with each of them.
"It's a good feeling that a great player like him came to us and said: 'Well played, boys'," said Rajab Ali, who dismissed Lara and took the final wicket of the match. "My colleagues were saying: 'Believe in yourself. You can get him.' I bowled to him like he was an ordinary batsman. He was a bit flashy and I concentrated on his off-stump... and I got him. I couldn't believe it."
Ali could have been talking about Lara's shot.
(West Indies won toss)
D Chudasama c Lara b Walsh 8
Tariq Iqbal c Cuffy b Walsh 6
K Otieno c Adams b Walsh 2
S Tikolo c Adams b Harper 29
*M Odumbe hit wicket b Bishop 6
H Modi c Adams b Ambrose 26
M Suji c Lara b Harper 0
T Odoyo st Adams b Harper 24
E Odumbe b Cuffy 1
Asif Karim c Adams b Ambrose 11
Rajab Ali not out 6
Extras (lb8, w16, nb13) 37
Total (for , 49.3 overs) 166
Fall: 1-15, 2-19, 3-45, 4-72, 5-77, 6-81, 7-125, 8-126, 9-155.
Bowling: Ambrose 8.3-3-21-2; Walsh 9-0-46-3; Bishop 10-2-30-1; Cuffy 8-0-31-1; Harper 10-4-15-3; Arthurton 4-0-15-0.
S C Campbell b Suji 4
*R B Richardson b Rajab Ali 5
B C Lara c Tariq Iqbal b Rajab Ali 8
S Chanderpaul c Tikalo b M Odumbe 19
K J Arthurton run out 0
J C Adams c Modi b M Odumbe 9
R A Harper c Tariq Iqbal b M Odumbe 17
I R Bishop not out 6
C E L Ambrose run out 3
C A Walsh c Chudasama b Asif Karim 4
C E Cuffy b Rajab Ali 1
Extras (b5, lb6, w4, nb2) 17
Total (35.2 overs) 93
Fall: 1-18, 2-22, 3-33, 4-35, 5-55, 6-65, 7-78, 8-81, 9-89.
Bowling: Suji 7-2-16-1; Rajab Ali 7.2-2-17-3; Asif Karim 8-1-19-1; M Odumbe 10-3-15-3; Odoyo 3-0-15-0.
Umpires: V K Ramaswamy and Khizar Hayat.
How the sides measure up
Winners 1975, 79
Started with colonialists in 18th Century. First Test v England 1928. Undisputed world champions from mid-70s to early 90s
Gary Sobers, Brian Lara, Viv Richards, Michael Holding, Malcolm Marshall
Too many to mention
16 Test centuries
Most of side have played in English County Championship