Simon Redfern: The Spectator

You have a 4,000 a head "whip", ban all partners, round up 100 girls, and end a 15-hour drinking session at a boutique hotel. With a Christmas party plan like that, what could possibly go wrong? If any-thing did, Wayne Rooney can't have been involved, because he has just revealed in 'Hello!' that he likes spending his evenings "crashing out and watching TV" while Coleen plans their June wedding. Which hasn't stopped those cynics at paddypower.com offering 12-1 that they will be the first football couple to announce they've split in 2008. Other prices: 11-4 Peter Crouch and Abigail Clancy, 7-2 Frank Lampard and Elen Rives, 9-1 Ashley Cole and Cheryl Tweedy. Place your bets; singles only.

3

Number of Manchester United players tested by the UK Sport drugs unit on Thursday. Cristiano Ronaldo, Ryan Giggs and Carlos Tevez were chosen at random; it is not thought any are using hair-loss products (see Bad Week), but they may have had hairdryer treatment from their manager last week.

Party pooper of the week

Bad behaviour at another football Christmas party led to Oliver Kahn, Bayern Munich's captain, being fined and suspended for one game. His crime? He left too early. "Kahn has to set an example to the younger players. The captain can't leave early," said manager Ottmar Hitzfeld. No problems at the other Manchester United bash last week, the footballer-free staff party attended by Sir Alex Ferguson. Its African theme was much discussed, but fortunately the country in question was Morocco, not Uganda.

Good week for

Ronnie O'Sullivan, regained world No 1 ranking after winning UK Champ-ionship... Brian Ashton, England rugby union coach, awarded long-term contract... Lord Triesman, chosen as new chairman of FA... and Ben Ainslie, won Finn class in Sydney International Regatta to enhance Olympic claim.

Bad week for

Romario, former Brazil striker, banned for 120 days after positive dope test for substance he claimed was in hair-loss product... Kieren Fallon, faces lengthy riding ban after positive dope test in France... Cuba, banned from Caribbean Twenty20 tournament next month because of US embargo... and Lewis Hamilton, received month's driving ban in France after clocking 122mph.

Criminal genius of the week

oh dear, more naughty footballers, this time in the US. A Georgia man has been arrested for allegedly inciting up to 10 members of the Mabry Middle School football team to vandalise Christmas displays by "finding reindeer lawn ornaments and placing them in sexually suggestive positions". According to police, he drove his underage posse around in his Ford Super Dirty truck (yes, really) as they sought out likely targets. So far he has refused to identify his co-conspirators, and nor is it known whether they deployed the Christmas Tree formation as they went about their evil work.

Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Caption competition
Caption competition
  • Get to the point
Latest stories from i100
Daily Quiz
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Independent Dating
and  

By clicking 'Search' you
are agreeing to our
Terms of Use.

Career Services
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Recruitment Genius: Senior Digital Marketing Consultant

£28000 - £45000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: A Senior Digital Marketing Cons...

Recruitment Genius: Assistant Stores Keeper

£16640 - £18500 per annum: Recruitment Genius: An Assistant Stores Keeper is r...

Recruitment Genius: Claims Administrator

£16000 - £18500 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This is an excellent opportunit...

Recruitment Genius: Software Developer - C# / ASP.NET / SQL

£17000 - £30000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: Developer required to join a bu...

Day In a Page

Fishing for votes with Nigel Farage: The Ukip leader shows how he can work an audience as he casts his line to the disaffected of Grimsby

Fishing is on Nigel Farage's mind

Ukip leader casts a line to the disaffected
Who is bombing whom in the Middle East? It's amazing they don't all hit each other

Who is bombing whom in the Middle East?

Robert Fisk untangles the countries and factions
China's influence on fashion: At the top of the game both creatively and commercially

China's influence on fashion

At the top of the game both creatively and commercially
Lord O’Donnell: Former cabinet secretary on the election and life away from the levers of power

The man known as GOD has a reputation for getting the job done

Lord O'Donnell's three principles of rule
Rainbow shades: It's all bright on the night

Rainbow shades

It's all bright on the night
'It was first time I had ever tasted chocolate. I kept a piece, and when Amsterdam was liberated, I gave it to the first Allied soldier I saw'

Bread from heaven

Dutch survivors thank RAF for World War II drop that saved millions
Britain will be 'run for the wealthy and powerful' if Tories retain power - Labour

How 'the Axe' helped Labour

UK will be 'run for the wealthy and powerful' if Tories retain power
Rare and exclusive video shows the horrific price paid by activists for challenging the rule of jihadist extremists in Syria

The price to be paid for challenging the rule of extremists

A revolution now 'consuming its own children'
Welcome to the world of Megagames

Welcome to the world of Megagames

300 players take part in Watch the Skies! board game in London
'Nymphomaniac' actress reveals what it was really like to star in one of the most explicit films ever

Charlotte Gainsbourg on 'Nymphomaniac'

Starring in one of the most explicit films ever
Robert Fisk in Abu Dhabi: The Emirates' out-of-sight migrant workers helping to build the dream projects of its rulers

Robert Fisk in Abu Dhabi

The Emirates' out-of-sight migrant workers helping to build the dream projects of its rulers
Vince Cable interview: Charging fees for employment tribunals was 'a very bad move'

Vince Cable exclusive interview

Charging fees for employment tribunals was 'a very bad move'
Iwan Rheon interview: Game of Thrones star returns to his Welsh roots to record debut album

Iwan Rheon is returning to his Welsh roots

Rheon is best known for his role as the Bastard of Bolton. It's gruelling playing a sadistic torturer, he tells Craig McLean, but it hasn't stopped him recording an album of Welsh psychedelia
Morne Hardenberg interview: Cameraman for BBC's upcoming show Shark on filming the ocean's most dangerous predator

It's time for my close-up

Meet the man who films great whites for a living
Increasing numbers of homeless people in America keep their mobile phones on the streets

Homeless people keep mobile phones

A homeless person with a smartphone is a common sight in the US. And that's creating a network where the 'hobo' community can share information - and fight stigma - like never before