Rugby Union: Wallabies cane wannabes

Australia 76 England 0 Tries: Larkham 3, Tune 3 Horan 2, Burke Gregan, Kefu Cons: Burke 4 Larkham 2 Pens: Burke 3 Half-time: 33-0 ; Scene of devastation for Woodward's rookies as England crumble to worst defeat in 127-year history

RECORDS? It is almost impossible to know where to start. England's rag-tag pack of fresh-faced boy scouts leaked more points and more tries in Brisbane yesterday than on any previous occasion in a century and a quarter of international rugby. The nadirs of old do not even come close to this embarrassing 80 minutes of panic-stricken incompetence and the truly frightening thought in the forefront of Clive Woodward's mind today is that this new statistical low may not last a fortnight.

The All Blacks are lying in wait - England were flying to New Zealand this afternoon to prepare for the first of two Tests at Carisbrook, the so-called "house of pain" in just under a fortnight - and when that little ordeal is over, the Springboks will get an opportunity to pick over the bones in Cape Town. Woodward can be an inspirational coach, but inspiration may be far from enough. By the time this ludicrously top-heavy tour is over, he will be in urgent need of a session with Glenn Hoddle's faith healer.

So will many of his players. It is too early to say if first cap rookies like Spencer Brown, Steve Ravenscroft, Scott Benton and, especially, poor Jonny Wilkinson will ever fully recover from the shellacking they suffered on a hot, sweaty and ultimately ghastly evening in the Suncorp Stadium. "They've got to be strong; we've all got to be strong," said Woodward afterwards. "We'll sit down, go through it step by step and hopefully, they'll come out of the process understanding a whole lot more about the way international rugby works."

And, he might have added, about the way it doesn't work. Successful Test sides very definitely do not operate on a diet of fitness and enthusiasm alone. They need nous, know-how and experience. The loss of some 20 front- line players hardly left Woodward in a position of picking from strength, but he could have included Ben Clarke and Steve Ojomoh, seasoned international hands, in yesterday's back row and he should also have played Austin Healey at scrum-half rather than throw both Benton and Wilkinson in at the shark- infested deep end.

A glance at Rod Macqueen's Wallaby selection is instructive. He too is in the process of rebuilding his side following Tri-Nations disappointments, but he made sure there was an old head in every department of his line- up for this one. The performances of Tim Horan, George Gregan, Phil Kearns, John Eales and David Wilson underlined the fact that major Tests are won by players who know their way around the battlefield.

Horan, in particular, was in maestro mode yesterday. Between the 38th and 58th minutes he scored one try, expertly fielded a 30-metre pass from Matt Cockbain to open the door for the first of Ben Tune's hat-trick, played cat and mouse with Healey to give Stephen Larkham a gallop to the right corner and sold Matt Perry the mother of all dummies before creating a sweet five-pointer for Matthew Burke.

That fusillade took the Wallabies to within three points of the half- century mark - England's previous heaviest points leakage was the 45 they conceded to New Zealand in the 1995 World Cup - and from that point on, the game became a processional humiliation. The tourists' tackling, difficult to locate in the 10 minutes before half-time, was now invisible and the Australian backs were able to amble unopposed through their entire repertoire of party tricks.

In England's defence, they competed courageously throughout the opening half-hour, even if some of their tackling was of a desperate finger-tip variety. An avalanche of 27 points in 12 minutes did for them, however; the cultured Larkham manufactured an opening for Toutai Kefu, a monstrous No 8, and from the restart, the explosive Tune slipped away from Healey and chipped Tim Stimpson to ease Larkham in at the posts. Horan's first try and Tune's simple finish put the Wallabies 33 points up at the break. No way back, as they say.

England might have escaped the worst of the onslaught had Wilkinson not been handed the extra responsibility of goal-kicking on a debut already fraught with nerve-jangling difficulty. The Newcastle teenager missed horribly from inside the Wallaby 22 at the end of the first quarter and more narrowly from 35 metres five minutes later. Two successes would have squared the game at 6-6 and, more importantly, given his countrymen some tangible reward for a decent spell of high-impact rugby.

Even then, the visitors came close to registering the first try. Perry and Stimpson combined cleverly to free Brown, the liveliest and most impressive of the nap hand of debutants, on the right. Larkham, however, was alert enough to weigh in with a saving tackle that just about summed up his evening. The new outside-half was on a roll from the opening minutes and if he can build on a performance like this, the Wallabies may finally have discovered a successor to Michael Lynagh.

That will be of no comfort to Woodward and company, of course. "The scoreboard doesn't look too good for them but I think England have something to work with," said Macqueen, generously. It comes to something when an Australian sports coach feels genuine sympathy for the old country.

Australia: M Burke (New South Wales); B Tune (Queensland), D Herbert (Queensland), T Horan (Queensland), J Roff (ACT); S Larkham (ACT), G Gregan (ACT); R Harry (New South Wales), P Kearns (New South Wales), A Blades (New South Wales), T Bowman (New South Wales), J Eales (Queensland, capt), M Cockbain (Queensland), T Kefu (Queensland), D Wilson (Queensland). Replacements: O Finegan (ACT) for Cockbain, 45; V Ofahengaue (New South Wales) for Kefu, 49; D Crowley (Queensland) for Harry, 60; J Little (Queensland) for Burke, 65.

England: T Stimpson (Leicester); S Brown (Richmond), M Perry (Bath), S Ravenscroft (Saracens), A Healey (Leicester); J Wilkinson (Newcastle), S Benton (Gloucester); G Rowntree (Leicester), R Cockerill (Leicester), P Vickery (Gloucester), G Archer (Newcastle), D Grewcock (Saracens), B Sturnham (Saracens), A Diprose (Saracens, capt), R Pool-Jones (Stade Francais). Replacement: D Chapman (Richmond) for Stimpson, 65.

Referee: A Watson (South Africa).