Leicester chase wild card as Premiership finale progresses towards farce

A very senior Rugby Football Union figure recently described the Premiership's end-of-term arrangements as a "dog's breakfast". He was absolutely right, of course, and if results go really badly for the organisers - if, for instance, Gloucester win the Heineken Cup while finishing outside the top three in the league and Harlequins land a second Parker Pen Challenge Cup title in the space of four years - the meal concerned could turn out to be the most canine in history: a full English slobberfest with added marrowbone, garnished with a nestful of small garden birds.

Once again, the top end of the club game is playing fast and loose with its reputation - a reputation massively enhanced by the World Cup triumph in Australia and reflected by a significant increase in paying customers. The potential pratfall has nothing to do with the play-off system for the top three finishers, although that is quite ridiculous enough at the end of a 22-match programme so demanding that it tells us far more than we need to know about the credentials of the title challengers. The real comic potential surrounds the "wildcard" tournament, introduced last season as competitive arbitration for European qualification.

According to the official blurb, "the top four clubs who have not automatically qualified for the Heineken Cup" are eligible for this mini-tournament - two semi-finals and a final, the winners of which take up the last English place in Europe's elite event the following season. The problem? The semi-finals are played a week before the finals of both continental competitions, and the decider seven days after them. Should the teams making it through to the wildcard play-off win themselves a European title in the interim, they will qualify for the 2004-05 Heineken as of right and therefore become ineligible for the wildcard. Is that clear? Excellent.

It is quite an achievement to organise a tournament that is half over before the correct participants are identified, but that's professionalism for you. Those rugby folk who still have a one foot in the real world must hope and pray that a genuinely strong side unencumbered by European commitments emerge as wild card candidates. Yes, we are talking Leicester, who achieved Heineken qualification last season by this very route and are well placed to do so again.

They travel to Newcastle tomorrow in search of a fourth Premiership victory on the bounce, and as Harlequins and London Irish, the two teams directly above them, meet at the Madejski Stadium, they could well end the weekend in a wildcard position. The Tigers have been through torment this season - defeat after Premiership defeat and an inglorious campaign in Europe ended with the abrupt departure of their coach, Dean Richards.

Yet all bad things must end, and one glance at their team for the trip to Kingston Park indicates how far they have travelled over the last month. Geordan Murphy, a footballing genius on spindly legs, has been reincorporated into the mix, as has the ultra-dependable Daryl Gibson, and the unorthodox contributions of Austin Healey and Jaco van der Westhuyzen elsewhere in the back division give them an edge. Their front row of Graham Rowntree, Dorian West and Julian White are as solid as anything in the Premiership; their back row of Martin Corry, Neil Back and Henry Tuilagi look beautifully balanced.

And then there is Martin Johnson, one of the more potent has-beens in world rugby. The great man's presence in the engine room is quite an incentive for a young wannabe like Louis Deacon, whose recent desire-fuelled performances have been rewarded by the selectors. Ben Kay, a Webb Ellis Trophy winner before Christmas but strangely quiet during the Six Nations' Championship, must make do with a seat on the bench - quite a comedown from the high-altitude peak of Sydney in November.

Bath, at the top of the Premiership for longer than they care to remember, face a Sale side relieved to have reached contractual agreement with a number of prominent players after spending weeks on the wrong end of Saracens' chequebook. Pete Anglesea, their honest-to-goodness flanker and club captain, has signed on the dotted line, as have the outside-half Mike Hercus, the centre Jos Baxendell, the prop Stuart Turner and the young flanker, Magnus Lund. The West Countrymen, meanwhile, have lost Wylie Human, their South African wing, to Northampton - a disappointment, but hardly a terminal blow for a club with more international backs than they know what to do with.