World Cup Diary
Monday 03 November 2003
Damage limitation operation: take foot from mouth
The Sydney Morning Herald is running a parallel World Cup for the absurd comments heard on television. Recent contenders include "Mortlock's just returned from a damaging knee operation", which sounds sort of counter-productive, or Eddie O'Sullivan explaining after Saturday's defeat just what Ireland will have to do to raise themselves for France: "Half will be professionalism, half will be passion - and the other half will be hunger." Unfortunately there is no prize for the best piece of commentary because this diary particularly liked an Australian presenter's reaction to an American centre's try against Japan when put clean though by the outside-half Mike Hercus. "Kort Schubert, bowled Hercus" would take some beating.
Legendary Terry Yorath receives rare gift of the gab
When Kenny Logan was passed the ball on Saturday, one Australian commentator said: "The Scottish winger is married to a television presenter who also happens to be the daughter of a legendary British footballer." That's strange, we thought Kenny was married to the daughter of Terry Yorath.
Talking of commentators, the Channel 7 man calling the Scotland v Fiji game had a dream come true. Some of these Pacific Islanders have difficult names to pronounce - by the time you've said "Rupeni Caucaunibuca", for instance, he's usually scored a try and the conversion's being taken. Obviously what is needed is for all players to have the same name. Step forward Moses Rauluni and Jacob Rauluni. The former went off on Saturday to be replaced by his brother. A World Cup first.
Congratulations and farewell Samoa, you have lit up the World Cup and can go home - as failures. Sorry to put a dampener on all this minnow-worship but this was the first time Samoa failed to progress to the knock-out stage in the World Cups they have qualified for.
Britain First criticised for using actress's memory to draw attention to their 'hate-filled home page'
Emergency call 'started off dumb, but got pretty serious'
Cristiano Ronaldo applauded by Liverpool fans after master-class for Real Madrid, despite Manchester United ties
Angel Di Maria injury latest: Argentina international set to play in Manchester United vs Chelsea match
Real Madrid vs Barcelona: Cristiano Ronaldo says he is playing Barca - not just Lionel Messi - in El Clasico
Paul Scholes column: I'm not worried about Manchester United's defence - Chelsea test can be the making of Phil Jones and Marcos Rojo
Erik Lamela goal: Best tweets and reaction to Tottenham man's Rabona
- 1 This 'woman calls police to order pizza' story isn't going where you're expecting
- 2 Axe wielding man shot dead after attacking four New York policemen on busy street
- 3 Watch what happened when food critics were unknowingly served McDonald's
- 4 Jimmy Carr's Oscar Pistorius joke goes a bit too far at the Q Awards
- 5 Ottawa shootings: Bruce MacKinnon's cartoon is the perfect tribute to soldier Nathan Cirillo
Of course, teenage girls need role models – but not like beauty vlogger Zoella
Cameron is warned 'no possibility' of UK reducing immigration and that bid to bring in quota on migrant workers would be illegal
Support for EU membership 'at highest level since 1991' with most Brits wanting to stay 'in'
Thousands with degenerative conditions classified as 'fit to work in future' – despite no possibility of improvement
Residents should throw a street party and mix with immigrant neighbours, councils told
Attacks on 'Ukip Calypso' show how skewed people’s priorities are