World Cup Diary
Monday 03 November 2003
Damage limitation operation: take foot from mouth
The Sydney Morning Herald is running a parallel World Cup for the absurd comments heard on television. Recent contenders include "Mortlock's just returned from a damaging knee operation", which sounds sort of counter-productive, or Eddie O'Sullivan explaining after Saturday's defeat just what Ireland will have to do to raise themselves for France: "Half will be professionalism, half will be passion - and the other half will be hunger." Unfortunately there is no prize for the best piece of commentary because this diary particularly liked an Australian presenter's reaction to an American centre's try against Japan when put clean though by the outside-half Mike Hercus. "Kort Schubert, bowled Hercus" would take some beating.
Legendary Terry Yorath receives rare gift of the gab
When Kenny Logan was passed the ball on Saturday, one Australian commentator said: "The Scottish winger is married to a television presenter who also happens to be the daughter of a legendary British footballer." That's strange, we thought Kenny was married to the daughter of Terry Yorath.
Talking of commentators, the Channel 7 man calling the Scotland v Fiji game had a dream come true. Some of these Pacific Islanders have difficult names to pronounce - by the time you've said "Rupeni Caucaunibuca", for instance, he's usually scored a try and the conversion's being taken. Obviously what is needed is for all players to have the same name. Step forward Moses Rauluni and Jacob Rauluni. The former went off on Saturday to be replaced by his brother. A World Cup first.
Congratulations and farewell Samoa, you have lit up the World Cup and can go home - as failures. Sorry to put a dampener on all this minnow-worship but this was the first time Samoa failed to progress to the knock-out stage in the World Cups they have qualified for.
Crystal Palace manager latest: Malky Mackay ruled out due to messy departure from previous club Cardiff
Sami Khedira to Arsenal: Midfield omitted from Real Madrid squad for Spanish Super Cup
David Gold furious after Carlton Cole parody account mocks up a picture of West Ham chairman as a suspect in the Madeleine McCann case
Manchester United's worst signings
Angel Di Maria latest: Manchester United target is Real Madrid's 'best player', says Diego Simeone
- 2 ALS ice bucket challenge co-founder Corey Griffin drowns, aged 27
- 3 World peace? These are the only 11 countries in the world that are actually free from conflict
- 4 Nicki Minaj finally releases predictable 'Anaconda' video
- 5 James Foley 'beheading': Met police warn public watching murder video could be criminal offence
Scottish independence: English people overwhelmingly want Scotland to stay in the UK
Isis threat: Cameron wants an alliance with Iran
Crisis? What crisis? A visiting US doctor gives the NHS a rave review
Richard Dawkins on babies with Down Syndrome: 'Abort it and try again – it would be immoral to bring it into the world'
Michael Brown shooting: Chaos erupts on the streets of Ferguson after autopsy shows teenager was shot six times – twice in the head
Scottish Independence Referendum: Salmond described as 'arrogant, ambitious and dishonest' by Scottish women