WIMBLEDON DOS AND DON'TS

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The Independent Online
DOS AND DON'TS

w Don't ever say "why don't they say 45-30?"

w Don't say "It just won't be the same without Dickie Bird".

w Do become moist around the eyes at the mention of Dan Maskell.

w Don't pronounce Date like the Christmas fruit favourite.

w Do say "Aah, the ghosts of yesteryear are echoing around court No 1."

w Don't say "Gosh, that was a good hit". Instead, sprinkle speech liberally with phrases like "sweet half volley" and "tremendous forehand drive".

w Don't say "The ref was born to unmarried parents".

w Don't sing "Swing Low, Sweet Chariot".

CRAMMER'S GUIDE

w On Sanchez-Vicario: "She's a tough little fighter, not best suited to grass, but, golly, she's got guts."

w On Becker: "The old warhorse still throws himself around the court and is on the top of his form but he's lost a couple of inches off his stretch in the last 10 years and that could make all the difference."

w On Sampras: "The tennis player's tennis player. With skill such as this who needs to be an entertainer?" w On Graf: "Amazing consistency, winning the French despite problems with her father in the clink."

w On Agassi "Unbelievably, he's still only 25. Seems to have lost his way this year, losing his concentration."

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