Freshers’ week: seven days to savour

1. Arrive with the correct paperwork Make sure you’ve got all the right bits of paper with you when you arrive at your accommodation. The last thing you want on your first day is a kerfuffle about where you should be living

2. Find out where you’re living Make a note of your new address and distribute it freely to loving parents (ideally your own) who will then be able to start the delivery of food and, preferably, hard cash.

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3. Don’t worry if you forget some names Statistically speaking, freshers are liable to meet up to 11,773 new people in their first week of university. Well, not quite, but it’s far better to ask someone’s name five times in the first week than to still be saying, “Hello? mate!” two months down the line.

4. Register for your course Take water, caffeine and a torch. Registering always takes ages, but when you get your university card (complete with your horrendous photo on it) it’ll all be worth it.

5. Find your department Before teaching actually begins, try and locate your faculty buildings. Knowing where you’re headed for your first lecture will be one less thing to worry about.

6. Be prepared Read all the literature the university sends you before freshers’ week to make sure you know who you’re meant to be meeting. Missing your first meeting with your tutor isn’t an ideal start to student life.

7. Don’t panic! Don’t worry if you feel a bit out of sorts in your new home. Starting university is a pretty daunting experience, but give it a week or two and you’ll feel like you’ve never lived anywhere else.

8. Visit the freshers’ fair At some point in freshers’ week, all the university societies will hold stalls for you to sign up to join their club. From the more traditional offerings – drama soc – to the more bizarre groups – sock soc – get involved!

9. Visit the library Sign up for any orienteering sessions that are being held for new students to prevent the library’s Dewey decimal system seeming more like the Enigma code.

10. Buy a box of biscuits Offering your new bezzie mates a pink wafer with a cup of tea will mean they hold you in the highest esteem.

11. Get the right bank account Look out for banks who’ll offer you the best overdraft facility for signing up for an account. Visit www.moneysavingexpert.com, which has a whole section devoted to student accounts.

12. Buy a ticket for the freshers’ ball Attending the freshers’ ball is a must.

It’s a first-rate chance to scope out your counterparts for the next three years and also an opportunity to see some D-list pop group take to the stage. Or, if you’re lucky, perhaps even Pat Sharp.

13. Research the bus network Become at one with public transport and find out the bus routes and numbers that you’ll need to use.

14. Get the number of a local cab firm For the times when the buses aren’t running, plug a licensed taxi number into your mobile.

15. Find a doctor Check with your university to see if there’s a designated university doctor’s surgery or, if there’s not, the whereabouts of the nearest practice that is prepared to take on students as new patients.

16. Make fast-food enquiries Knowing where you can locate a filthy burger at 3am is seen by many as being essential to mankind’s survival.

17. Get locked out This will inevitably happen when you’ve had one or two snakebites and it’s quite dark.

18. Make friends with the porters In preparation for when the above happens. If your mate Night-porter Dave is on duty, you’ll be in your room in no time.

19. Get your computer log-in This is key to ensuring that your Facebook status correctly records your most recent run-in with Night-porter Dave. Oh, and so that you can write essays and stuff.

20. Locate the laundry Western society tends to be a little judgemental when people begin to smell, so make sure you find out where the nearest washing machine lives.

21. Plan a budget Breaking news: money does not grow on trees. Yeah, we were shocked too. Work out a budget to prevent a diet of gruel and water.

22. Get a timetable Grab a copy of your course schedule, so you know what you’re meant to be up to.

23. Buy some books See if your university has a second-hand bookshop that will sell you ex-students’ books for a knock-down price.

24. Ring home Your family will appreciate it, and it may speed up the delivery of that food parcel/hard cash.

25. Buy ‘Heat’ magazine Is Britters preggers? Who knows, but it’s an excellent way to ignite some good gossip in your kitchen. Alternatively, don’t buy Heat magazine, and have a good argument in your kitchen about how crap it is.

26. Don’t wake up your whole block Everyone knows that singing a Take That medley at 2am is really funny, but be respectful of your neighbours. Everyone’s schedule is different, so just because you can have a lie-in, doesn’t mean everyone else can too.

27. Arrive with a boxset For the day after the night before, a DVD boxset is a great way to sit and chillax.

28. Party like it’s 1999! It’s your first week of university for goodness’ sake! Even if you’re a bit nervous about going out, do it!

29. Check on your student loan Actually, before you party like it’s 1999, ensure that your student loan is in the bank. Otherwise, you may have to party like it’s 1944, complete with ration book.

30. Buy some posters They’ll brighten up your room and, let’s face it, who doesn’t love a comedy picture of Kermit.

31. Buy a plant Bring the outside inside. Call him Clive.

32. Forget to water your plant RIP, Clive.

33. Learn to cook A few basic dishes will take you a long way when the microwave’s broken.

34. Do your washing-up There is no quicker way to make enemies than being the one everyone has to clean-up after.

35. Don’t get tied up with life back home University is your chance to start being more independent, so don’t fret about your friends, family or partner back home forgetting about you. Get the balance right by keeping up your old relationships, as well as forging new ones, and you’ll have double the people to party with!

36. Snog a fellow fresher Should you end up dumping/being dumped by the partner back home, you might want to consider getting over the emotional trauma by locking lips with some lucky so-and-so.

37. Be a stereotype Enjoy watching daytime TV. Everyone thinks you’re doing it anyway, so tuck into This Morning with a plate of beans on toast and revel in the madness.

38. Buy some tomato ketchup It’s worth more than its weight in gold in some kitchens.

39. Enter a nightclub competition You know the sort, where you have to do the limbo onstage with a man in a Winnie The Pooh suit. You could win big – perhaps even a CD.

40. Play ‘I have never’ Guaranteed to lead to belly laughs and a new-found respect for quiet Catrin from next door. And she seemed like such a nice girl?

41. Don’t get flash If you start buying huge rounds of drinks everyone will wake up hungover, while you’ll wake up hungover and poor.

42. Allocate space in the kitchen Assigning everyone a cupboard and shelf in the fridge is a good way to prevent arguments over food.

43. Know where to turn If you’re feeling out of sorts and want to talk to someone impartial about how you’re feeling, contact your student union, who will usually be able to put you in touch with a counselling service.

44. Get some passport photos taken You’ll need them for all sorts of forms and identity cards.

45. Try not to judge people too quickly University is a time for you to mix with people you may never have had the opportunity to socialise with before. Give the bespectacled chap with the odd facial hair a chance; you may be pleasantly surprised.

46. Register for your NUS card It will ensure you get money off at loads of places, including major high-street stores.

47. Hunt down student discounts You may well find that the local taxi firm or chippy will knock off 10 per cent when you show them your university card.

48. Get a 16-25 railcard If you plan to go home during the holidays using the train, make sure you sign up for this. For £24 a year, it allows you to save one-third on fares throughout the UK. Visit www.16-25railcard.co.uk for more information.

49. Get to know your new city Beyond the bright lights of the campus or the student union, have a wander through your new city or town and get your bearings.

50. Buy some flip-flops A shared bathroom means shared dirty floors, verrucas, bubonic plague... Look after your tootsies with some appropriate footwear.

51. Embrace fancy dress No uni night out is complete without seeing at least one group of students dressed as pensioners. Locate the local fancy dress store and charity shops to get stuck in!

52. Learn to know your limits Most of all: enjoy yourself during freshers’ week but make sure you look after yourself.