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And there are more than 30 miles of cable - plus a few neighbours who aren't on speaking terms

Bill Shorten and his wife, Chloe, after the election

Son of Tyneside union official becomes leader of Australia’s opposition

Five weeks after the Australian Labor Party suffered a humiliating defeat in the federal elections, the son of a former British waterside worker was elected its new leader last night.

Australian PM Tony Abbott has come under fire for only having one woman in his Cabinet

Australian PM Tony Abbott criticised for one-woman Cabinet

If Julia Gillard paved the way for future female leaders in Australia, there is no sign of that legacy in new Prime Minister Tony Abbott’s Cabinet, which contains just one woman: Julie Bishop, the Foreign Minister-elect.

Andrew Demetriou laughed on air when told of the incident

Aussie Rules: Season of scandal ends with player setting a dwarf on fire

League apologises after chief executive burst out laughing at cruel year-end prank

Shocking X-ray: Doctors remove fork from penis of 70-year-old Australian man

The case is considered so unusual it has been written-up by three doctors in the International Journal of Surgery Case Report

Amantle Montsho of Botswana

World Championships 2013: Christine Ohuruogu finally breaks 400m record she targeted for a decade

The Briton won an extraordinary race by 0.004 seconds

Injury concerns for Lions

The British and Irish Lions have been hit by a potential double injury blow ahead of next Saturday's second Test against Australia in Melbourne.

It was fascinating to watch both sets of half-backs adjust, with Will Genia dominant

The expert view: Referee was wrong, but it made Lions opening Test a real thriller

What a win for the Lions. It was massive, but it was a game of incredibly fine margins. So much of the talk leading into yesterday's First Test surrounded the battle on the ground. The breakdown was indeed a huge part of the game, but not quite for the reasons we predicted. Referee Chris Pollock very quickly showed that he was not interested in the slow ball-producing jackal technique and, while many – including me – questioned his early penalising of Brian O'Driscoll after what appeared a textbook attempted steal, it set a definite and undisguised tone. Quick ball was the order of the day, and what followed was a scorcher of a spectacle. When the squad was announced, the only selection about which I wondered was Dan Lydiate on the replacements' bench. Not because he is not a wonderful player – he is – but because he is not a natural openside. Should Sam Warburton get hurt, who would compete at dirt level? Well, perhaps Warren Gatland did his homework and knew that the referee was not necessarily an advocate of the Neil Back school of rugby. Which is not to say that neither openside was effective over the course of the game but, as so often happens, one man's interpretation of one of the game's many crucial areas shaped the whole event, and it was fascinating to watch both sets of half-backs adjust, with Will Genia dominant. The scrummage, too, did not pan out as we hoped. In the first half the Lions dominated on occasion, but the Wallabies held out, used the odd early engagement to their advantage and, as the minutes ticked by and replacements appeared, closed the gap right up, almost squeezing Dan Cole and Mako Vunipola out of the game. How clever. How Australian.

New Zealander Chris Pollock will be the man in the middle for Saturday’s Test

British and Irish Lions 2013: Tourists demand better refereeing

Tourists unhappy with communication between officials and fear tackle area problems in Test

British and Irish Lions 2013: We 'got what we deserved' against Brumbies admits Warren Gatland

The Lions suffered their first defeat of the 2013 tour

The Lions' Jamie Roberts looked in pain as he received treatment for an injury that could rule him out of the next match (David Davies/PA)

British and Irish Lions 2013: Jamie Roberts 'a grave doubt' for first Test against Australia

The Wales international strained his hamstring against New South Wales Waratahs

Sam Warburton speaks to referee Jaco Peyper during the Lions 47-17 victory over the New South Wales Waratahs

Sam Warburton pleased after perfect preparation with victory ahead of Test series

The Lions captain feels the 47-17 win over the NSW Waratahs is the perfect build-up with just a week to go till the first Test

Andy McSmith's Diary: United they stand... not to mention stepping on toes

The original purpose for which the trade unions created the Labour Party was to get working-class representatives into Parliament. The old engineering union, the AUEW, which has now been absorbed in Unite, had a particularly strong record for taking members off the factory floor, training them up and getting them into Parliament.

Wartime: Margaret Thatcher meets the Royal Navy

UK ready to sell aircraft to junta just days before Falklands attack

'Another few would make no real difference' – claims newly released Foreign Office documents

Scientists have discovered that size really does matter
to women when it comes to the length of a man’s manhood

Size really does matter: Homo sapiens' 'larger than necessary' penis may have evolved through natural selection by prehistoric women

In a scientific tour-de-force worthy of the search for the elusively small Higgs boson, scientists have discovered that size really does matter to women when it comes to the length of a man’s manhood.

Ben Zygier, the suspected Mossad spy previously known only as Prisoner X

Australia to investigate mysterious case of 'Prisoner X' Ben Zygier

Australia will conduct its own investigation into the arrest, detention and death of Mossad agent Ben Zygier who died in an Israeli prison two years ago – and will ask Israeli officials to provide evidence.

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Day In a Page

Burgundy, the River Rhone & Provence – MS Swiss Corona - seven nights from £999pp
Lake Maggiore, Orta and the Matterhorn – seven nights from £899pp
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Alexander Fury: The designer names to look for at fashion week this season

The big names to look for this fashion week

This week, designers begin to show their spring 2015 collections in New York
Will Self: 'I like Orwell's writing as much as the next talented mediocrity'

'I like Orwell's writing as much as the next talented mediocrity'

Will Self takes aim at Orwell's rules for writing plain English
Meet Afghanistan's middle-class paint-ballers

Meet Afghanistan's middle-class paint-ballers

Toy guns proving a popular diversion in a country flooded with the real thing
Al Pacino wows Venice

Al Pacino wows Venice

Ham among the brilliance as actor premieres two films at festival
Neil Lawson Baker interview: ‘I’ve gained so much from art. It’s only right to give something back’.

Neil Lawson Baker interview

‘I’ve gained so much from art. It’s only right to give something back’.
The other Mugabe who is lining up for the Zimbabwean presidency

The other Mugabe who is lining up for the Zimbabwean presidency

Wife of President Robert Mugabe appears to have her sights set on succeeding her husband
The model of a gadget launch: Cultivate an atmosphere of mystery and excitement to sell stuff people didn't realise they needed

The model for a gadget launch

Cultivate an atmosphere of mystery and excitement to sell stuff people didn't realise they needed
Alice Roberts: She's done pretty well, for a boffin without a beard

She's done pretty well, for a boffin without a beard

Alice Roberts talks about her new book on evolution - and why her early TV work drew flak from (mostly male) colleagues
Get well soon, Joan Rivers - an inspiration, whether she likes it or not

Get well soon, Joan Rivers

She is awful. But she's also wonderful, not in spite of but because of the fact she's forever saying appalling things, argues Ellen E Jones
Doctor Who Into the Dalek review: A classic sci-fi adventure with all the spectacle of a blockbuster

A fresh take on an old foe

Doctor Who Into the Dalek more than compensated for last week's nonsensical offering
Fashion walks away from the celebrity runway show

Fashion walks away from the celebrity runway show

As the collections start, fashion editor Alexander Fury finds video and the internet are proving more attractive
Meet the stars of TV's Wolf Hall... and it's not the cast of the Tudor trilogy

Meet the stars of TV's Wolf Hall...

... and it's not the cast of the Tudor trilogy
Weekend at the Asylum: Europe's biggest steampunk convention heads to Lincoln

Europe's biggest steampunk convention

Jake Wallis Simons discovers how Victorian ray guns and the martial art of biscuit dunking are precisely what the 21st century needs
Don't swallow the tripe – a user's guide to weasel words

Don't swallow the tripe – a user's guide to weasel words

Lying is dangerous and unnecessary. A new book explains the strategies needed to avoid it. John Rentoul on the art of 'uncommunication'
Daddy, who was Richard Attenborough? Was the beloved thespian the last of the cross-generation stars?

Daddy, who was Richard Attenborough?

The atomisation of culture means that few of those we regard as stars are universally loved any more, says DJ Taylor