Our chef made his name cooking eggs, but he’s never stopped looking for new ways to serve them

The Government may be celebrating a recent drop in crime numbers but it clearly hadn’t accounted for the vegetable crime wave that’s sweeping the nation.

Serves 4

The wins were 77 years apart

At a scrubbed wooden table, a dapper, Rumpole-ish gentleman is taking lunch, in immaculate suit and wide red braces. Behind him, also eating alone, is a troll in human form – a small, wild-haired oldster wearing a plunging singlet and very short shorts, his abundantly furry chest and shoulders on proud display. Both of these unlikely fellow diners look perfectly at home.

The blend of fruits, herbs, botanicals and booze is almost like cooking. Just with drinks instead of food, says Angela Clutton.

Only 51 per cent think a tomato is a fruit, while 99 per cent incorrectly identify peas in a pod as veg.

Serves 4

It may not be a barbecue summer as yet - but who needs an excuse to tuck into a juicy patty? Try one of these for size.

We saw that it was summer and so we hired a car and drove to Sussex to watch a cricket match and eat a picnic. There were four of us. Me and CDG and two hags that CDG associates with. By 'hags' I only mean that these two young ladies both own cats, or look like they do, and they regularly cackle at me for no reason. They can't cast spells and probably aren't old enough to be proper hags but I call them it anyway and I believe that they enjoy it. Well, they came too. Me and CDG picked them up on the A205.

Remove Murray from the picture and we are left counting out our players

Our chef marks the start of British Sandwich Week with some adventurous toppings that are a world away from the average high-street sandwich bar.

Serves 2