The funeral of the comedian Frank Carson took place yesterday in his home city of Belfast. Showbusiness figures from Britain and Ireland attended the requiem mass at St Patrick's Church.

Rory McIlroy and Lee Westwood came to the rescue of the World Match Play yesterday, advancing to the weekend and lifting the mood when it seemed all of Arizona was still in mourning for the loss of Tiger Woods.

It was, to be honest, quite a tricky moment. There I was on Sky News yesterday morning being interviewed by Eamonn Holmes about the Twitter 100 feature in yesterday's i.

ITV show This Morning has avoided a rebuke over presenter Ruth Langsford accidentally swearing on air.

Having recently jumped ship from the ITV newsroom to the BBC, among Katie Derham's many tasks over the coming months will be winning over the traditionally conservative listenership of Radio 3, where she's been handed the main afternoon slot. Derham has long been hailed the perfect girl next door many a hopeful suitor would have been happy to take home to their maternal parent – although considering the now 40-year-old mother of two has been married for over a decade, perhaps High Street Ken is beginning to show his age.

Could Ed Balls' darkest hour herald the breaking of a glorious dawn?

King of the TV sofa, Eamonn Holmes hogged headlines when he rolled off his cushions to complain about comics making fun of his girth. His namesake Sherlock also grabbed publicity with the launch of a new mystery series on the BBC tonight. Chalk and cheese or peas in a pod?

Children are famously inclined to give skewed accounts of their own generation, a charm often exploited by comedians. On the face of it, you'd probably file Aspen Drewitt-Barlow's account of his and his brother's genesis under the category of winsome misunderstandings. "Me and Orlando were made from the same egg," he patiently explained at the beginning of My Weird and Wonderful Family, "but the egg split and then Orlando went in the freezer for three years. Orlando is my identical twin." Not sure that can be correct, Aspen, you thought. Orlando is four years younger than you for one thing. But Aspen had got it right – this unusual family history having come about after Aspen's fathers, Tony and Barrie, had decided to postpone Orlando's birth to a more convenient date. Both boys were the result of a kind of relay-race conception, with the embryos being supplied by a biological mother and then implanted into a surrogate to be carried to term. The arrangement is tricky, borderline illegal in this country but Tony and Barrie, who'd done very well in the cosmetics business, could afford to go to California to hire the necessary uteri and wombs and also fight the resulting court case over their right to be declared the parents.

I know that we were meant to don black armbands and fly the flags at half-mast when Dawn French and Lenny Henry went bang, but personally I was pleased. I've had beef (and how fitting is that word, considering how fat we both are!) with that bitch since way back in the day, when I refused to be in a 1994 South Bank Show. This was some sort of celebration of morbid obesity – sorry, a "personal celebration of Big Women, drawing on art, photography, fashion, film and sculpture to ask why Big Women, who were revered and celebrated throughout the history of art, are now ignored by today's culture."

While Gordon Brown ensured events in Westminster took a fresh twist yesterday, David Cameron's domestic arrangements were also the subject of some timely title-tattle among senior Tory colleagues.

Could Gordon Ramsay's luck be changing? Ever since he was accused of liaising with "professional mistress" Sarah Symonds, the boorish chef has been dogged by a string of bad headlines, running the gamut from ready-meals to broken banking covenants.